Food 4 Thought

To a little cloud

2012-02-08T10:40:00.001+08:00

Thank you for being my friend, and i fully appreciated the fact that i was being corrected before i did anything unthinkable.

I know what i did was uncontrollable and wrong, I can never change the past as well, but I want to treasure the friendship we have for the future. i know you will never chance upon it, because I want it to come thru actions not words.

thank you friend.

in God's love and mine,
Kenneth Heng

What counts

2012-02-07T08:01:00.000+08:00

My Heart pounded, my mind raced, what was I really living for?
I couldn't just have a dream, but I needed to make it count for eternity.
I couldn't just think about it, but I needed to work on it.
I couldn't sleep because of it, because I wasn't living for it.

Not yet,
Jesus' one action, spat wine mixed with myrrh and gall while after all that pain and suffering did not even take a dose of what would numb him from it, I took a hard look and felt God saying,

I took it all, and I want you to know, I took your pain, shame and sin.

that action represented so much, it's meaning is drawn to huge emotional extent, and its impact entails the huge love God has for us.
What really counts for eternity for you? will you be daring to pursue your desire in serving God for something that he really counts for?

I'm writing this to continuously challenge my to live only for what counts, right now I feel I cant live with myself knowing that I can do more with what God has called me to. Pray with me.

In God's love and Mine
Kenneth Heng

At World's End

2012-01-28T11:34:00.001+08:00

Cyber bullying, Critique, Corruption, Violence, Infidelity, Addictions. These are the things I read on the papers,

it hit me so hard, what is Singapore becoming? are growing into what we are made to be? So many things now seems to be out of control, whether is it the concept of being out of control, or being extensively engross into a certain paradigm, we have evolved into a stage where we think that only we are right.

Humans, I personally believe that God created us to be different, different from plants, animals. From the simplest look of our aesthetics, to even our intelligence, we are just different. God called us to be like him.

Question is, How?

God has been impression on my heart for the longest time, a paradigm that could help community grow further.

Compliment.

Everything should be done in compliments, like how chocolate goes really well with a ripe banana, and how a car can run better with cleaner fuel. like how Iron sharpens Iron, can Man work with one another.
But over time, sharing this was increasingly difficult, everyone was living in a paradigm where it is not right to be corrected even if their are wrong, and somehow makes different stands to prove otherwise.

A concept is good, but will it be better adding on something?
Tea smells good, will it taste better with a dash of sugar?
Ice Cream is amazing, will it be better with hot waffles?

although different people have preferences in food, but I believe there is a take home here, we can choose to change the way we see things, and we can always choose not to. but when we decide "not" to choose, the choice goes to the latter.

Do something if you want to see the world change.

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth Heng

Dissatisfaction

2011-12-19T22:28:00.001+08:00

4 days, 2 days of discontent, wrestling and struggling. God crippled me, and said these words, "How much do you think I love these people? How precious do you think they are to me?"

That 2 hours, I just sat that crying, the tremendous amount of emotions that just overwhelmed me, is this really a fraction of how you felt? the amount of love that you had for us is just so much, that we just failed by drawing our focus in reaching to you rather realising that you have always been holding on to us, every Joy, every Sorrow, every Storm.

Everyone should experience this amazing amount of what God has truly promised each and every single one of us. "He knit me in my mother's womb, and when I was awake, He was still with me."

Believe, that when you let go of everything, God holds on with everything. It doesn't matter what you do, but what God does with you. He has promised life and life more abundantly, are you truly willing to accept it with all your heart and fully receive what God has given you?

Sounds like a fairy tale? a journey with God is an experience, not a statement or story, life changes based on the choice that we make, this is my choice.

Silently waiting upon God, this 4 statements were poured out from my heart.

God, let me feel your love, so that others can feel it through me
God, let me feel your joy, so that others can celebrate with me
God, let me feel your peace, so that others can be comforted by me
God, let me feel your pain, so that others can see it in me

Freely you have given, freely you will receive.

are we daring to be a different generation?

In God's love and Mine,

Kenneth Heng

Puppet and Puppeteer

2011-11-16T02:19:00.001+08:00

Little tools, chipping away at a piece of wood.. Alas! a figure is form, limbs that could in free motion, so graceful and dainty. A paintbrush, "here goes the eyes... Perfect. Now lets try the other areas, mmm.... it is good". with a push and tug, "that's right, great step forward!... you are doing well!"

I've heard it somewhere before, a relationship with God is like a Puppeteer and a puppet. The Puppeteer creates the puppet with such tremendous fear and perfection, watching his greatest creation come alive.

you are beautiful, just the way God has created you in such fear and perfection.

Puppeteer saw the puppet, the way he moves made him so proud. A solid thud.. "Come on, pick yourself up.. thats right.. watch out for that bottle of paint on the table... be careful."

God looks out for you, even when you are down.

"Look at the mess you create, don't you worry, it will be better, trust in me, walk towards me"
Lengths of twine laid out on the table, "its so that you are free to choose who will be holding you up and moving you around", "I love you and would love to use you for my shows, but only if you choose me to wield you in all glory"

God gave.. Free will. the freedom to choose the one that will change our lives forever.

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Its always a constant struggle to me, the fact that someone else have to take control over my life, I was made with hard knocks, trying to be independent all the time. trying to be the person that people can lean on, look towards, but God had other plans.

Are you able to believe that my ways are higher then your ways and my thoughts are higher then your thoughts?

In my life, I want more, I want life to be more than this, everything I can humanly plan for isn't enough.

Alot changes when we choose the Puppeteer to puppet us, that we were meant to live life, and life more abundantly, I want more then a life that society dictates for me, I want more then a life that my family dictates for me.

Give up your life for my sake, as I have given up mine for yours.

The radicalization in my choice to see that God is real and my actions changes my lfiestyle.

To live a life in complete dependence on the Maker, Can we?

In God's love and Mine,

Kenneth Heng

Dreams

2011-11-03T01:52:00.003+08:00

Do we believe we are made to be the best of these?

is everything that is going on at this moment in time, a testimony of what you believe in?

everything you do? everything you say? every decision you make?

Do they speak of what you believe in?

God create us to live life, and life to the fullest (John 10:10)

What is your dream?

The older generation tells us dreams are unrealistic and that we should do what seems to be logical.

God tells us, he created us for a purpose, to lead a life of abundant joy and love, that through Him, all things are possible.

Do we truly believe in that with all our hearts? or is there doubt?

Matthew 6:24

No one can serve 2 masters;

Financial stability, School grades, High Paying job. These maybe really necessary in our lifetime

But are the allowing us to lose our dreams? our hopes? our lives?

Do you truly believe, that with God you can be

a teacher, that changes lives?

a lawyer, defender or justice?

a doctor, that heals?

a businessman, that impacts the marketplace?

a chef, that cooks with love?

an engineer, that builds with integrity?

If you do, NEVER stop pursuing your dream with all your heart, hold fast to someone and bring them along this journey of realizing the dream God has called you to.

You were made for more than this.

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth Heng

My Life Story in Knowing God

2011-10-21T00:53:00.001+08:00

This is just a short testimony of how my life is till I met God

I hope it encourages you.

His is Mine

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth Heng

Tears in absolute Surrender

2011-10-09T22:47:00.002+08:00

God changed my perspective of surrender, I wanna post this, because, for the first time in almost 10 years, I cried.

Surrender was never registered in my heart, it was all head knowledge, I thought I knew it all, but it only stayed in my mind, this week, God opened my heart, telling me that his thoughts are far better then mine, am I willing to trust in his provision, the honest answer? Not at all, there is just so much to surrender, my family, finances, ministries, I cant do it at all, not as a human.

I want to try, to keep at it, to keep my head close to God's heart to be able to hear this heartbeat in my life. To surrender every point of my life to Jesus Christ.

I really do not know where to go, but I want this life to be God's, not mine.

In God's love and Mine,

Kenneth

What Faith can do

2011-08-09T09:59:00.003+08:00

Sometimes we lose sight of our destination, sometimes we get discourage. sometimes we get lonely, to a point where everything can seem to be a cliche. Things like "have faith in God" "you are more that what you are now" "everything will be alright"

the overuse of these phrase has cause us to just lose its meaning.

Even so, we need to understand that it is all part of the devil's plan, to throw us off course, make us lose our values and our grounding in God. He plans for us to devalue everything that seem positive, he plans for us to be lonely and cause us to struggle in bondage.

I want to believe and know, that God is there for me. and God placed people in my life to be there for me too! i do not want to be thrown into a sigma that cause me to lose faith in my friends but believe in them.

Ultimately I need to be there for them first.

People always challenge me with this thought, that its every man for himself. that people will always be selfish no matter what you do, especially, when its just one man, what can I really do? what kind of impact can I really make?

Even as I've just started my job, I struggle so much with the situation of what my values is about, how am I going to keep all of it strong? alot of times I feel weak and insecure.

Although alot of times I'm so unsure about what God really is about, He never fails to remind me about his Grace, how I am so undeserving to what He has shown on my and that my Faith is the only thing that is going to last in this world.

What keeps you going? what keeps you praising God even when its tough?

I want to share this song, that you are stronger! don't you ever give up on what God has placed in your life!

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

Family

2011-06-27T19:06:00.002+08:00

Something Important, Something Close, Something strong, whenever things seems unsure, people run to.

Who is your family? are they just blood related? do you keep your distance just because you do not know other well know?

We live in a generation that judges, we judge the look, the actions, the style, the speech, anything that gives us a certain impression we judge, as hard as we try not to admit it, it is one of the most vicious character we have to offer. we do not like it, but society dictates that we need to be like. People fear the unknown, thats why all these defensive mechanism comes up when it involves a personal relationship.

I do not have the most perfect family. I have a missing father, an insignificant childhood, I din have much friends, mostly acquaintances , people I say Hi and bye to. But when I met with this wonderful truth, it changed my entire life.

Jesus shown me a kind of relationship I could have even though I wasn't blood related. the kind of loneliness I experienced changed radically. I felt happy, I felt secure, I felt confidence, I felt Loved. when have you Actually Experience true love from one another?

the World as taught us to be so self-centered that we forgot the basic principles of living, the bond and keeps us humans alive, the entire race of us, to this day.

I, am determine to share this love with as many people as possible, to give my life for the comfort of others, not so much for glory, not so much for good works, not so much for reassurance, not so much for a sense of self satisfaction.

but that others need to know what I've experienced, what fill that emptiness and longing i had in my heart. that no one, in this world should be alone. but that everyone deserves a chance to be loved.

This is huge for me, sometimes I think I might not even fit into this bill. but I'm willing to try.

Will you come alongside with me and change this world?

start by loving the people around you, giving them your heart.

in God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

Extent

2011-05-14T10:10:00.002+08:00

To what extent?

To what line?

have our human lives been define by the circumstances we are in? or the expectations people have for us? or making certain choices the only create to disappoint people? I hate disappointing people, it throws me off, makes me feel lousy and useless. God created us for something great, a purpose, to be part of the plan that will be the salvation of all mankind, and yet I cant even make life transformation with the people that are so close to me.

I know and truly believe that God doesn't want me to feel that way, he wants me to live life to the fullness of God, humanly I'm struggling to bad wanting to believe that.

at the end of the day, its just you, your grace covers me, even though I'm so not worth the effort, even though I'm just a plain sinner that doesn't deserve the grace.

leading my life ain't about others, its about how I can place kingdom character into my every move. leading my life isn't about myself as well, but about how God's glory rests upon me, God you take my life, and all that I have to give.

you inhabit my world, teach me to give of my alabaster jar to you.

into your hands I commit myself.

in God's love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

When things aren't enough

2011-03-22T21:49:00.002+08:00

A trigger

something I really have not understood how I managed to hide it from myself all these time, all those beliefs, dreams, expectations, discontentment. It grew in me like a huge parasite, till just one time, I met someone who has the same view. it threw me off, I thought I was different, so different no one understood me, my generation of people's mind has been trained to such extent they no longer see things in different perspective but with such influence from the world its grey.

I'm confused, theres so much that can be done, yet I feel so helpless, I want to be more, so much more for God to use. Yet God is telling me to slow down, prepare, build up then fight. A life of fullness, a spirit that is transformed.

Numbers 22:21-38

God I'm so sorry, I have sinned, I did not realised you were standing in the road to oppose me.

Help me God, to see that moment, where everything can be right in your place, I want to be a witness to that miracle, where people knew you, felt you, and became like you.

your saving grave, we are so undeserving, how? how can we do so much more for you? is there anyone that I can share with, that can understand me? my prebelieving friends all seemed to be just wanting just my company with them but know wanting to know what made me the way I am.

Help me, Help my unbelief, to see and believe that miracles will happen within my life, within my generation.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

E=MC²

2011-03-09T15:36:00.002+08:00

Emerge, to become missional for the church, discipling them 2 by 2.

I'm not satisfied with where I am, what I'm doing and how people are growing.

I look at them and see how much more they can be with what they have, and yet, its not happening.

we see so much of what we are in, never what we could be. Did something happen?

My heart just longs for so much more, more of what Jesus had, that kind of radical living, wouldn't that be a life that is so exciting?

I'm trying, I thank God for people in my life investing in me, growing me, strengthening each other and learning to move in the spirit, bless others and show others what God has done in our lives.

what are the kind of impact can we really make?

This is my prayer.

Walking with you

Holding your hand

These are the little requests

Seeking your face

Feeling your grace

on the calvary you took all my sin

you spoke to me

through your words that said

Do you love me more than these

and I say

I do Lord. I remember Calvary

and the cost of your love.

I will follow the King and his cause.

I will learn to die and to carry my cross.

Feed my lambs, take care of my sheep, feed my sheep...

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I will remember what God did on Calvary, the cost of his love.

I will follow the King and all of his cause

I will learn to die and to carry my cross and follow Him.

Will you?

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

Rationalizations and Decisions

2011-02-21T23:59:00.002+08:00

Similar situations doesn't mean they are the same, neither do they mean that using the same approach will work.

Its a real journey, just learning so much from people's decisions, choices, rationalizations and consequences. Sometimes, though I may not have gone through so many, its a wonder to see how books can change one's perspective and ideas.

I've come to an understanding about what I really wanna do in the future, from the kind of limitations that I have. Surgery(the bright side is I have mc, haha!), Time and even financial holds. through reading and prayer, I've seen a picture where everything can be done.

Decisions and resolutions are there as an act of determination for us, for many, its just building a routine or a desired outcome, probably just from reading LKY's hard truths, he taught me one thing, to be versatile in the decisions made, based of facts and pointers and shows out in various situations.

I've made a decision, that I will fill my lungs with air, my voice with prayer and my mouth with, praise. To also learn to accept and love the unlovable.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

1.1.11

2011-01-01T21:08:00.002+08:00

Last year was such a mystery, effectively, I thought that I've planned out the way I want my future to be like, nice job, travel around the world, probably find a soul mate. but God really does wonders, interesting how he uses the little things to just show me that I'm useless without Him.

Cell, It was such an amazing journey, so much expectations, so much to ask for, so much being asked at. Ministry, so much need to give, so much to receive, its hard to process things with it comes in such huge quantities and overloads of emotions.

Family, being so tried at, going through so much on its emotional side that I really can't put it into words. But God has been really good to me, that I can't stop saying.

010111

this is what I need,

Prayer.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

Pain from the Mercy and Grace

2010-12-20T20:49:00.002+08:00

for the first time, I actually could see myself from a distance, the way I acted selfishly wanting a certain way into my little world, I saw myself trying to control a certain circumstance and getting the outcome that I actually wanted.

It was so hard to let go, against something that I've given my word to and my selfish desires and thoughts. I was so self centred.

God's Mercy was so great upon me, I was so not worthy.

new perspective swooped in, I'm learning, with each and every step, to start surrendering, my life, and all the others that I've been holding on too. with everything that happen, I feel like a turtle. still hiding within that shell or probably callouses that I'm numb to the pain.

Sharing could only probably do so much, but the issues are usually that same or rather just persisting in annoying one person. sometimes I really do not understand this idea of proper communication with people who tend to be overly emotional about everything else under the sun and becoming unobjective.

In a huge way, It caused me to lose my rationality, was it meant to be? I could not make sense of it at all.

God is a God that is eternal, the spirit will lead me in each and every decision I make.

God of all Eternity

I wake up every morning

to know you're still with me

how precious are these moments

knowing that you'll shine on me

How precious are your thoughts

That love I can't explain

Show me God to love more

let your light shine through me

you search me and you know me

I praise you because I am wonderfully made

Chorus

God of all eternity

Comforter to all who need

Lord you heal the wounded strips

lifting hands and singing praise

these words I give to you in Faith Lord

take this life

Oh Lord take my life

Bridge

Search me, O God, and Know My Heart

And Lead me in the way, Everlasting

Ps: God help me build better relationships.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

Your Love is such a wonderful thing

2010-11-04T16:27:00.002+08:00

Heres something I wanna share, or at the very least, remember this song.

How God impressed on my heart how Whole His Love really is, though it hurts, how wonderful it is.

Here is goes.

Love and Faithfulness Meets together

Righteousness and Peace Kiss Each other

Faithfulness springs forth from earth

and righteousness looks down from heaven

Pre chorus

But your mercy has found me upon the broken road

New beginnings flow from precious blood

Your Love is such a wonderful thing

A Sacrifice no one has ever seen

Fills me up and makes me clean

Your Love is such a wonderful thing

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

Realisation

2010-10-17T23:40:00.001+08:00

It took so much more out of me, the pains, the hurts, the struggles. Just to understand that its all Love, the Love for me to make me Holy, the Love for me to make me whole, set apart for that one person who planned that party for me, the party in heaven.

God took me by storm, began to show me things, things beyond me, things I could not understand. Such fear grew as I saw the whole episode running through my life, it was as if God was bringing me up to heaven to have a glimpse, how much I know I want it, but yet wanted an easy way to get there.

He said" Its gonna be painful, yes its gonna hurt bad, alot will be taken from you, alot that needs to be cut out and burned. But its all worth it. Then only will be stand in my presence without perishing, My Beloved."

I could never understand it, till He said those words to me. I struggled, it felt as if I was wrestling with God and He dislocated my hips. Things of God in this world ain't as pretty as I thought, Grace, Mercy, Joy, Peace, was something right at the tip of my tongue when encouraging someone. suddenly, Justice, wrath, Anger comes in and stirs up a hurricane.

It all comes together to form that one word, Love.

For God so Loved us, He had to stay away for His glory will cause us to perish in seconds.

For God so Loved us, He had to burn away our human flesh to purify us even though it hurts.

For God so Loved us, He allow things in our lives to happen and tear us apart so that He can do His Work in us.

Whoever could understand all that? It took one desert trip for me to have that revelation. and yet, I struggle to stay in that truth. All that hurt and pain, it was something I certainly do not want to bear. Yet God was so lovingly patient with me, showing me bits and pieces of that portrait He painted, even till now.

Do we really understand Love at all?

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

My Mark as a Man

2010-08-29T18:31:00.002+08:00

Challenges, especially ones in camps and between friends. Something I've always faced in as I learn to live life out as a Christian.

Question is, were we meant to be out casted? prejudiced? ostracize?

Or were we meant to carry the image that Jesus placed? where people would travel from cities to cities just to listen to Him.

Jesus was out casted, yet he was loved.

so do we live life standing tall and yet get rejected by others? or can we live life upright and being loved by others. So many Christians in this world are being condemn for what they believe in, causing some to fall. Others to fall into huge emotions pits. Yet, to a certain extent they are being loved and hated by many.

I'm torn, by that understanding that we can't be liked by all, and not being disliked at all. The idea of evangelizing to others comes with an emotional price, that is to love beyond your measure. would you be rejected? would you be accepted?

As determined as I am to try in being accepted by others to be able to share Christ with them, it ain't all smooth, as time goes by, I'll get torn by decisions I'm "forced" to make in certain situation with is certainly emotionally draining.

But God will be the strength I rely on, the wisdom that leads me, the Grace bestowed on me.

a fight that has already been decided on whom being the victor.

that will be my King.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

Inadequacy

2010-07-02T22:38:00.002+08:00

The song that rings,

I am,

a flower quickly fading

a wave toss in the ocean

a vapour in the wind.

that feeling, of inadequacy came over me, accompanied by loneliness, despair.

without that, how would God ever make me complete.

I must learn, the power of claiming the word of God in my life.

not to count the years of my life, but make the years of my life count.

I've never known better.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

The Choice

2010-06-21T08:08:00.001+08:00

by Max Lucado

IT’S QUIET. It’s early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming.

In a few moments the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met.

For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I’m free to choose. And so I choose.

I choose love . . .

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I choose joy . . .

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical . . . the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose peace . . .

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose patience . . .

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose kindness . . .

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I choose goodness . . .

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I choose faithfulness . . .

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose gentleness . . .

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I choose self-control . . .

I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Running the Race

2010-05-17T22:06:00.002+08:00

A race, to the finish, and the prize is, eternal life.

the journey is tough and arduous, winding roads, dark pits, different lanes.

21km journey, wasn't what I expected, it started out pretty easy, moving down a beautiful lane, admiring the handiwork that the Lord made. 6km mark hit. Body starting to wear off, just like battery running slowly but surely. still able to maintain a conscious effort to appreciate the rustling winds, friendly smiles around.

10km mark, dehydration.

the longing of water, the need for energy to flow through and rejuvenate the body. the mind starts to move into a thoughtless mode, only thought was "left right left right left right....." just to keep the motor moving. A water point, refreshment, a short muscle stretch break.

Starting off on the journey, body began giving way, muscles weren't able to start up fast enough, cramps started to tighten the rotors up and increased difficult to press on. its only till almost 1 km of slow jogging that the muscles began to regain the motor programming to carry on.

13km mark, body rotors starting to cause malfunction, a substantial amount of damage could be felt. the mind became more sensitive to the reports on the body, and continued to tell the body to press on.

13-18km

The mind went into a cheerleader mode, "just a little, thats it, press on a little more. yeah good job" and the body carried on.

18-21

the body began experiencing the most torturous period of the journey. the Mind began wearing down, pain began affecting all parts of the body, muscles were stretched to the maximum.

just right at the end. I've made it.

It made me think, this is just a 21km journey, how about a life's journey, the dangers, traps, pits.

and I am only 21, with such a long way to go, and yet at times struggles in life seemed to hard to curb. what do I do?

Psalms 121 says it all

I lift up my eyes to the hills
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

and I will believe and claim that truth in my journey, will you?

Things of Eternal Worth

2010-05-13T23:53:00.002+08:00

I've shared about pleasing God, how can we do that?

God reminded me, about how I've lived life so comfortably that I've subconsciously pushed Him out of my routine. Do not get me wrong, I still do quiet time and stuff, I just stop longing for Him. The time came when the last message of Psalms 23 came in, talking about the communion that God had set a table for us, fighting Evil with Love.

In its last verse it says, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

the house of the Lord, it meant as something that is eternal, something that the body cannot comprehend, only the soul in my could, and only the soul can long for it. The revelation came when I decided to play a song off I-heart revolution, where the love lasts forever.

the start goes," your mercy found me, upon the broken road, you lifted me beyond my failings."

I teared through the journey back home driving while listening to that song, there was no meaning without that thirst or that longing for God, everything I have worked for would have fallen apart, my ministries, family, friends, relationships.

I didn't want that, I want more, to thirst more, to long more for God, To Dwell in His House Forever. to long for things that are eternal.

I pray that Rhema will be etch deep into my heart.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in your ears

2010-05-10T22:53:00.002+08:00

Pleasing God

it has been a really long time since I've last posted anything. It's been a really long time since I've had a personal computer, I guess through all of that, the Spirit has been prompting me 2 words, Pleasing God

What does it really mean to please God? I used to struggle with that, even now, i cant say I've fully grasp what it means. the Love of God surpasses all understanding, to us words only describe a fraction of what God really meant for us.

Luke 7:40-43

And Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to say to you." And he replied, "say it Teacher." "A moneylender had 2 debtors; one owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. When they were unable to repay, he graciously forgave them both. So which of them will love him more?" Simon replied" I suppose the one whom he forgave more." And He said to him, " you have judged correctly"

God forgave our sins, the debt of wrath that was upon us, how much would that even cost us? it cost us Jesus.

How much more should we love God? How much more should we please Him?

can we sing these lyrics that it will be a sweet sound in His ears?

I'm learning, to please him, in everything I have.

In God's love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

It is Well with my soul

2010-03-19T18:22:00.003+08:00

Horatio Spafford had a loving wife and five adorable children and made a substantial living as a prominent attorney. He was a pillar of and heavily involved in the community where he lived in Chicago. The year 1871 turned out to be a horrible year for him and his family. His four-year-old son died of scarlet fever, and as he and his wife were nursing their tender wounds, just a short while later the great Chicago Fire destroyed practically everything they owed.

A religious man, Horatio kept his faith and did the best he could make the most of his life in light of those 2 terrible events. Two years later, in Nov of 1873, he decided and planned a trip to Europe for his family to have some rest and relaxation, Horatio sent his wife and 4 girls ahead of him as he needed to tie up loose ends concerning his business. He waved good-bye to his wife and watched as the ship sailed off. He would meet up with them in England in a week or so

Two days later, Horatio received a cable from his wife. It read, "Saved along." the ship that had carried his wife and 4 daughters had been struck by another vessel and, in a few minutes, sunk deep into the ocean. Two hundred and twenty-siw people lost their lives in that accident, including his four little girls. Where was God? Hadn't this man suffered enough? Why was God on the sidelines? why didn't he do anything? Were his hands tied?

A few days after hearing of the death of all of his daughters, Horatio left Chicago and took off for England on a ship to meet his wife. I cannot even imagine the thoughts and emotions stirring in his heart during the days he spent crossing the Atlantic Ocean. Maybe he was numb with shock. Perhaps he was stilled in his spirit, overwhelmed by the injustice of the succession of tragedies he endured. At one point during his journey, the captain of the ship, knowing about Horatio's recent loss, beckoned him on deck. The man pointed out a particular spot in the swirling blue sea that glistened like sapphire diamonds. As the waves gently slapped the sides of the ship and the salt water wafted gloriously in the air the captain somberly showed Horatio the place where his daughters had drowned.

You can imagine how his heart must have sank as he furiously wiped away the hot tears that flooded his face. Four beautiful innocent girls dead in an instant. What Horatio did next is fascinating. I don't know if I could do it. But something was grounded in the very core of his spirit that allowed him [in nothing short of a miraculous way] to write a song, "It is well with My Soul." He penned lyrics that spoke of firm faith. A quiet assurance. A soft trust in God even in spite of his seeming absence and events that simply should not have been.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Imagine that? Writing those thoughts about the condition of his soul through those sea billows that had swallowed up his daughters. Horatio could have forgotten God. He could have cursed God. He could have given up. he could have allowed grief to destroy his hope. He could have done all those things quite easily, and it wouldn't have taken that much effort.

but through all these, blinding tears, through the endless sorrow, it was well with his soul. this is not to minimize our own tragedies, but it will be good for us to meditate on.

Can we constantly put our trust in God regardless of circumstances? knowing that at the end, everything WILL be alright?

I too have my struggles, but I want to learn, I want to be able to stare into the heavens and say," It is well with my soul"

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth Heng

Harmony

2010-03-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

what does it mean to harmonize? in perfect tune? in relationships?

what does it really mean to harmonize in the spirit?

somehow, it just came to my mind as I was just about writing my thoughts down on my blog after so long. It just began to link string of my thoughts together with just one word.

and to apply that into almost everything.

Friendships

Teamwork

Families

Relationships

Thoughts

Relationship with God

the way the Trinity harmonizes, the thought of that just tugs at my heartstrings, would that be even possible? reality slaps me right in the face, man sometimes are just too hostile even with simple words with emotions attached to it, man receiving these words just too sensitive about words being thrown off too easily, thus creating friction between each other.

Pride, the main issue that just throws off most harmony in people.

I want to be able to harmonize again, the feeling of inadequacy just keeps hitting me so hard.

I will not stop believe in the promises of God, running to win the race, running to keep the Faith

In God's love and Mine

Kenneth

9 Weeks, 1 Prayer, A Change of Heart

2009-12-05T18:08:00.003+08:00

In A blink of an eye, 9 weeks has past. in these nine weeks, so much happened

A sprain ankle

one heck of a field camp

dislocated arm

food poisoning

4 weeks of status

30 people placed me in top 5 of platoon

silver for drill squad

won recruits night performance

missed IPPT, SOC, route marches due to arm

attending only a short part of POP

chances of OCS slimmer, to talk about command school

made many friends, including sergearnts and officers

and tons of push ups.

and God? he has just been so overwhelming in my life, so much things in my life has changed.

its just so funny to think about.

to trust God, he took 9 weeks to surface that in my heart.

My Mistake?

i was too driven, too driven to do the things I "think" God wants me to do, and distracted with things that I wanted to do.

Spirit of God kept me praying only one prayer

Our Father who Art in Heaven

Hallowed be thy Name

Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be Done

On Earth as it is in Heaven

Give us this day our daily Bread

and Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us

Lead us not into temptation

But deliver us from Evil

for Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever and ever.

Amen

Each and everyday, every sentence just surfaces in my heart.

Our Father, the one in Heaven, whom we praise him by name.

this Kingdom will Come, His Will will be done

in this place just like in Heaven

He Will give us our Daily Bread

Forgiving our Sins, just as We need to forgive those who sinned against us

helping us not to fall into temptations, and Delivering us from The evil one

to His Kingdom, His Power, and His Glory forever and ever.

think about it, just how much He loves us.

and me?

I lost my faith, when I Dislocated my arm

I lost my faith, when I could not participate anymore in my training

I lost my faith, when my chances of OCS became high to nothing

I lost my faith, when a medical letter came for my medical review to change my status

Many times, God used me in army, as a Light to shine to the rest.

All it took was this, and I lost it.

God resurface my purpose once again, that it is all about depending on Him to change my Life.

for one and One purpose only

To be a Living testimony to those who walked the same circumstances as me.

To inspire people that even myself can be an encouragement to people around

Share the Love of God and let them see that Love that was shown to me.

How about you?

His Kingdom come, His Will be Done

On Earth as it is in Heaven

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth

3 life changing weeks

2009-10-23T21:39:00.002+08:00

i thought i'll just share alittle about God being in my BMT life, it was life changing.

God placed so much in my heart, and all I wanted was to retreat into army, just be like everyone else and go with the flow enjoying moments of it.

God had other plans,

it was pretty funny to think about it.

first, i was placed in one of the most vulgar company in the whole school.

what are the chances of that?

next, my platoon commanders came from one of the toughest companies in the school and brought their standards onto my platoon.

now what are the chances of these 2 coming together.

lastly, I am a section 4 IC in my platoon

what now?

so much for wanting a retreat or a break in army.

I felt like i was trying to escape from the world into the army, but God brought it within the army. I blended well with the trainings and punishments, stuff I experienced as a boys' brigade recruit in sec school.

but then things change, as I tried to be blend in more, people became more selfish, more self centered. Punishment grew to such extent physically that no one could really handle. things started to arise in my platoon.

Backstabbing, selfishness, lack of initiative to help friends.

I felt God drawing me out of that place, advice that people gave before I went to army slowly dissolved away while God began his work around me.

he was evident there, in every little thing(ask me and I'll share =] )

I felt I needed to do something, something was stirring in my heart. I had to start influencing them using God's way.

slowly, I used skills I've learnt being in Ministry, Cell, Worship.

simply things like sharing with one another their thoughts and feelings is so scarce in the bunk, my section began changing as we started to share with one another, people started to grow together.

these happened in the course of my 2 weeks

in my 3rd week, God decided to draw me out of my comfort zone, I became a platoon IC unexpectedly without even consenting to it.

it was one of my most down period in BMT so far, I never wanted to take on that role, that responsibility. But it was God's plan.

everyday was like a huge weight over my shoulders as there were so much to handle with my platoon mates mentality, punishment were given almost every hour, blisters formed in my hands and feet, strains around.

I did not have any idea how to proceed.

God taught me to persevere, to trust in Him, to run the race and fight a good fight.

and that he will always be with me.

though at times I really could not handle the self-centeredness, once I shouted so angrily at my buddies because they were selfish, I laid out everything before them and showed them the reality that we are going to be together for 6 more weeks.

God used that

God shook thru me, I felt them seeing the light of selflessness over selfishness, though at times they may not know how to help others, I could see them trying.

I felt change, I felt closer to my platoon mates, not just a single section, but the whole 4 sections, the whole platoon. I felt closely to God despite circumstances I was in.

My life changed that instance, My mind became clearer, soon it became so clear that where ever God sent me, there is always a great purpose in it, army seemed like a duty at first, something that I have no choice but to go through, now I became my mission field for this season!

Its only 3 weeks, and so much changed, what about the 6 more to come?

This Song ran into my head as I was writing this entry.

I wanna be a reflector

I wanna shine your glory

I wanna let the Whole World know that You Live in Me.

Friends, lets shine and grow together hand in hand with the God almighty living and breathing in us.

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

Alabaster Jar

2009-09-24T22:17:00.001+08:00

This alabaster jar
Is all I have of worth
I break it at Your feet Lord
It's less than you deserve
You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires
And the fullness of my joy

Like you spilled Your blood
I spill my heart as an offering to my King

[Chorus:]
Here I am, take me
As an offering
Here I am, every heartbeat
For your glory take me

The song that I have left
Is all I have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few
You give Your life for me
So I will live my life for You

Like You spilled Your blood
I spill my heart as an offering to my King

[Chorus.]

[Bridge:]

Worthy
Worthy
You are worthy
Worthy is the Lord

Holy
Holy
You are holy
Holy is the Lord

First Love

2009-09-14T00:10:00.002+08:00

Coming back to my First Love....

back to the basics.

I believe theres more, to my ministry, to my calling.

there is so much more.

Armor of God

2009-09-11T09:41:00.002+08:00

What does the armor of God really means?
the Gospel shoes of peace?
the shield of Faith?
the helmet of salvation?

what does it mean to be able to put on the FULL armor of God, to prevent the devil from attacking our soft spots.
what does it mean to protect yourself fully? where your armor has no holes in it.

I'll carry on asking, I'll carry on learning =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Surrender to Impact

2009-09-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

This few months has been like so wild for me, everything is just all over the place.
God spoke to me before, telling me about the kind of impact that I would be making in the lives of people I have invested in. I felt afraid, I've failed before, I've been rejected by people and the things I do for people just seems to be skin deep.

it brushes of them like a leave been blown off a ground

I was thinking just so much, thoughts just rushed through me, "how am I going to do all these?"
I received a 2nd word from God.

and it became so clear

Surrender

How much do we surrender our lives to God? is our walk with God limited to just serving on a Sunday? only with Christian friends? at home? alone?

When we surrender, what does it feel? what does it mean?

to me, it meant, humility, selflessness, faith.
God has shown me so much I can do with surrender, when i surrender things to God and not hold it back frm him but letting Him flow in this place.

thank God, for the revelation. that another salvation was raised. A new brother was given to me. thru Christ's Love and me surrendering him to God. It impacted both me and him so greatly.
I want to surrender more.

God chisel me, but hold me so close that the pain would seem so small when you are around.

I am a Masterpiece. and So are you, the one that is reading this. God created you to be good, to be perfect.
so be Good in his eyes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXut0HxncvY
watch this.

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

Xi Ning's Story

2009-08-17T18:32:00.002+08:00

Since I've been using my laptop for awhile, I thought I'll just post up my journal that I've complied over the 2 weeks in Xi Ning and what God has been impressing in my heart =)

Its a really long post but I pray you guys get blessed by it =)

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Day 1 16th July, 2009

A little revelation/reminder from God I’ve received from God even in the airport of Shanghai

ISA 40:30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

ISA 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Work and ministry can pull us down emotionally and drain us physically.
That reality in Life is that every man stumbles and falls, which is the real truth in our lives

But the Word says, “To those who hope in the Lord”
That we need to know the God we are serving and put him before regardless of what the outcome will be.

To trust that we will soar on wings like eagles, that we will Run and not be weary, and we will walk and not faint. To receive such amount of spiritual strength and energy that as we move in the spirit, revivals will come, people will see, the goodness of the Lord in us even without us telling his name.

Every little thing is gonna be alright.
I’ve got nothing to give, just a life to give.

I’ve learnt new things about culture today, and I’ve seen new ways where God can be so eminent in this place

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Day 2 17 July 17, 2009

Its was the preparing and executing of programs for the English corner.
Most of the menial task were done today, like mounting the banners moving the gifts and materials given.

God’s strength was really set into the hearts of our whole team, and the amount of joy from the work we did was great. English corner was fun too, it was really interesting to learn and appreciate the language that we can use so fluently and start taking our language for granted.
Children were longing for so much knowledge to increase their vocabulary and improve their speech in conversation with others.

For the English corner, what I did with the group of 12 to 16s was basically to learn to form phrases to make up a fairy tale story. Then it went on to a linking words structure. To teach them new words like enormous, rambutan and such.

Its was a really menial day today, despite the weariness, I felt peace, unexplainable peace in my heart, as I knew the one that I am serving. The faith level once again has increased.

God was being really intention when he spoke “every little thing is going to be alright”
And it did, by the grace of God.

I will live, to carry your compassion
To love a world that’s broken
To be your hands and feet
I will live, with the life that I’ve been given
To go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of your name.

Ezekiel 37:1-6
The valley of dry bones

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Day 3 July 18, 2009

I was sharing during devotion about something the Lord spoke to me, the prophesy to the valley of dry bones. To speak forth the Word of God to restore the land of dry bones.

I was feeling really weary from the lack of sleep that I had from the previous day that my concentration level dropped by a little. Admitting the fact that I was a little discouraged, when my contributions were not up to standard at that point of time. I realized that its was needed for me to die to self, and throw away the pride. For the bottomline that we want to achieve as a team to successfully pass down the knowledge that we have to them.

God was good, through the tiredness, I’ve learnt so much more about people’s perspective and dynamics in the age group fm 12 to 16. I thank God for such an awesome time of learning from them, their actions, to sympathies with them.

Adult English corner was interesting. We did making appointments through conversations. I’ve learnt on my own through the way I explain, to understand the different ‘colours’ and beauty of the language English. It was really enjoyable talking to people who is so hungry in learning English.

God is reviving them, bit by bit, little by little
Slowly but surely

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Day 4, 19 July, 2009
Amelia was sharing in the morning about why do we start loving people when they do not love or
bother about our concern. It strike a thought in me once again that I was reminded of the verse Galations 6:1-2 which represented my calling to service to God to love the people.

As I was starting on the work that was assigned to me to start fixing up certain things at the centre, its started to be clearer about how much our work can bless someone in such a large way.

I feel God is somehow bringing people into this place for the greater cause of bringing the harvest, and deliverance is going to come to heal the land.

1John 4:7-12

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

This is how God showed his love among us:
He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his
Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Dear friends, since God so loved us,
we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God;
but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

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Day 5, 20 July, 2009
Today was a really awesome start to the summer camp that we organize, things were really raw at first, but during devotion, we decided to let God be the Lord of the camp to bring a smooth start and impactful closure to the day.

God showed me things to be so grateful for.
I really appreciate my sponsor for giving me the opportunity to come to Xining to experience such revelations in people’s lives. I somehow see such a different perspective in people. The warmth I felt from just relating and communicating to people gave me such joy in this period of time. Despite the weariness from planning and executing. It just became such a moment to refill my tank. To enjoy the company of different people, children alike. The kind things that due to circumstances, it is so hard to come by.

God always gives more then what we have always expected, when we are contented

Philippians 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

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Day 6, 21 July 2009

I think God gave us a really important job to do teaching in a summer camp. It’s quite amazing to see the amount of gifts he has implanted in us before we even came on this trip.
My Chinese translation amazingly improved when I came around here. I felt God through just simple teaching, showing little acts of love to them by sharing our lives with them thru English. As we continued to teach, I felt connections with the children that is really hard to explain around.

1 John 4: 7
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

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Day 7, 22 July 2009

Today was one of the days where I taught some lessons with the children on present tense. I felt at peace though I wasn’t really prepared in teaching the lesson given by Amy, I had lots of fun and started to understand more about the lives of the people here, the culture around here due to bad influences and even selfishness of other people that causes their hearts to be hardened.

Even so, God continued to Show me a softer side of the people, the love that they could share with others. The kind of happiness that could be shared among one another, the kind of joy that should replaced all bitterness in their lives.

Amy was sharing about the fruits of the spirit that we were tested during this whole camp season. As that went on, I felt our spirit connected with one another and we started to grow as a whole team.

God’s love, should be just selfishly taken in though it is rightfully ours, but it is to be shared among the weak, helpless and poor.

Love the Lord your God with all your strength, might and soul and the 2nd is this,
Love thy neighbor.

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Day 8, 23 July 2009
Today was really an eye-opener, I felt a clear direction in how I was suppose to expand my ministry. We were sharing about the value of giving, Chye Aik mentioned something that struck me thinking, “giving ain’t giving when it doesn’t hurt” I had to ponder over it for awhile as I do give a lot in my ministry, and the people around me.

Only thing that I realized as I was sharing with Chye Aik about my desire to be more of what God wants me to be, He shared that I could learn to be more impactful in the actions I do.

The impact on people that as they are being blessed, the remembrance of it to impact others to continue to share the same ideals as those that are being passed down by God.

God opened my eyes too, I got to see the hind side of the people around me, and the actions that made me cringed while hearing or even looking at them caused me to change my perspective.

But God came in, “would you accept them for who they are?”

They do not know what they are doing or learning through the selfish actions made by the adults here. And they need guidance. What more confirmation to increase my capacity to impact lives so deeply.

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Day 9 24 July 2009

Today was a real revelation about how much impact one’s actions can be on someone’s life. I never expected how much I’ve impacted the little ones today at camp. People I thought to be pretty strong, was a little down in the morning. Thoughts of making impact into people’s lives kept ringing in my head, just trying to understand the meaning of what was the call to me.

Somehow, I felt God slowly washing the stains of the people, through our actions, it felt like the stains were still there, but because of our impact, they got to know a little more about Christ in us.

And then, to the surprise of my life, I saw each of the students we had started to weep. It was really heartwarming to see how much we’ve invested in others and how much we reaped, in the city that was forsaken.

You said, “Ask and I’ll give the nations to you” Oh Lord
That’s the cry of my heart.
I’ll forever worship at your throne.

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Day 10 25 July 2009

Things were memorable today, we took a bus out into the mountainous area, had lots of fun singing songs, talking to people, strolling around the vicinity, I even had the opportunity to try yak’s yogurt.

As I was just speaking to different people, understanding their little cultures around, God place quite a big surprise in stored for me in applying the things he said he would grant me, the everlasting impact on people everywhere I go.

We were talking to the teens while on the journey back home, they posted a question to me, who is my idol? It suddenly dawned on me that it was an opportunity granted to give something that will increase their curiosity in what I believe in.
I shared, “he is someone that is so amazing and no one can replace him”.

The “emo” culture that is hitting the generation right now is not a very good one, cutting of self to be accepted. Doing various things just to get attention of others.

I began to feel really excited when Chye Aik talked about his conversation with one of the guys and how he shared the full version of the Good news to him, the way he responded to it really encouraged me in my confidence to share the Love of God more.

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the CRY of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out,
My soul cries out

Let us be a generation that seeks your face from the inside out.

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Day 11 26 July 2009

Today was a beautiful day, I’ve got to see the wonders of the creation that God has designed for us. The awesomeness of the vast plains and wildlife, to the little animals and creatures roaming around. Somehow you just really wonder how does it all come about.

To live is Christ and to die is gain

Little songs just popped into my head, just describing how wonderful the creation of God is, how creative he made all of us to be. It made me remember like how much he has taken care of the little creation he made, to how much he cared for us in the littlest thing in us and the decisions that we make.

I stand, I stand in awe of you, for you are beautiful beyond description.

God’s power became so prominent as the night came, 2 people came into our room with many questions about beliefs in what is real and what is not. It was my first time sharing the good news to someone and leading them into the sinner’s prayer. The kind of joy and excitement was unexplainable that you just wished you could run a marathon right now. It felt so real that God is reviving the generation in this place, the prophesy of the dry bones are working its way to feeling life in every aspect of them living, it felt like we were the catalyst to what God was doing in the area.

The kind of impact that we made, God, make it everlasting, make people see the God in us as we walk the streets of people lacking love.

I’ll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all.
Come and make my heart your home, Lord.

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In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Prayers I wished I did

2009-08-15T23:25:00.001+08:00

O most gracious God, who perfects Your own purposes, You have reminded me by the first pain of this sickness that I must die. As it continued besieging my body, You further reminded me that I may die even now. with the first symptoms You awakened me.

With further suffering You cast me down to call me up to Yourself. You clothed me with Yourself by stripping me of myself. By dulling my bodily senses to the red meats and pleasures of this world, You have sharpened my spiritual senses to the apprehension of Yourself.

As my body dissolves, Lord, my soul is exalted toward You. Speed up the pace of that process. My taste has not gone away, but gone up to sit at David's table, to taste, and see, that the Lord is good. My stomach has gone up towards the supper of the Lamb with the saintsin heaven. My knees are weak, but weak so that I can easily kneel and fix myself upon You.

And, O God, who appeared as a light in a bush, in the midst of these brambles and thorns of a sharp sickness, appear unto me sothat I may see You and know You to be my God, applying Yourself to me, even in these sharp and thorny times. Do this, O Lord, for His sake, who was no less the King of heaven for Your suffering Him to be crowned with thorns in this world.

John Donne's prayer

Heartfelt Truth

2009-07-08T21:33:00.006+08:00

I think I gotta just be really honest right now in this blog, this season of my life has gotta be one of the heaviest emotional burden I've have ever carried this far, possible reason why I did not blog for so long.

Reminders kept racing thru my mind, the pain Jesus suffered could never be more easier then what I've suffered, but he took it in his stride.

I feel astray. the flood of emotions from my family, the unhappiness. the Love for the people around me. My heart cries out of them. To just see them grow. All this just wears me down so emotionally.

I was drained.

I posted to mark this day. that once again. God has reminded me that I am only human. No matter how much I thought I could take. I'm helpless against the one and only thing in my life, My family. The only relationship that I've ever valued so deeply.

and yes, that fell altogether with everything else.

I'm picking up the pieces, hearing to every word God has for me. walking a journey of faith. taking time once again to come back to the heart of God, to give my life to the people. to bring Joy to those I love, those around me.

People I have loved so much,

My Family, they are the foundation of my life, a place where I want to be so open, to receive affirmation from. I love them so much.

My Cell, The Brothers and Sisters in it which I grew such a strong love for, to grow them, to listen to their joys and hurts. to see them rise of to be such man and woman of God. I Love my cell, Each one of them.

My fellow Superlife people, the people I've been spending so much time with, giving me the opportunity to guide them along.

I Love you all.

there is somewhere God is leading me to right now, in the midst of this wave, I feel it. I wanna grow more, I wanna move more in the Spirit.

God will make a Way

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth

Living in a Non-Transparent and Cold World

2009-07-08T00:38:00.004+08:00

The kind of emotional distress compliments so well with pessimism. it just frustrates me to no end.

I just wish I could understand more about a human's heart, a person not just by his/her thoughts, but by their emotions to. to related to them.

the emotional weight is too much to be just placed on my shoulders and not being about the understand all of it.

Joy, should be the essences to living out our lives. why do I see most singaporeans living life in such a pessimistic way? that lives should be depicted by monetary sustainability of oneself? that with our the things of the world our lives cant be happier?

Is pride that impt in our lives and we can throw away our humanity just to keep our "face"?

It should never be like that. never....

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth Heng

Another year Ahead

2009-06-23T10:46:00.002+08:00

Just one more year pass, everything feels the same. staying at home made me considered the variables once more, to keep asking

for more, more of your power and anointing. more of your ministry to be placed in my hands.

more, for me to do, to stretch me, to grow me. Give me more to give to the nation, to the people, to the world.

Sometimes My heart ain't willing, but My spirit stirs everytime i see a need that can be filled.

Every year I just want to grow so much more in God. recieve so much, only the fear of being broken down holds me.

what holds u back from giving everything to God?

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

Living for the Glory of my King

2009-06-15T21:55:00.003+08:00

I thought I'd write some of the stuff I've was blessed with during my journey in perth.

God has always be so gracious, everything sin occurs, it just makes Him so much more gracious, so full of Grace.

at every turn, He never fails to keep a little surprise for us, sometimes we just reject it, sometimes we receive it with glad, sometimes we blame satan for it, sometimes we just fail, fail to see his goodness in each surprise.

my retreat help me see, the joy in the hearts of people just by fellowshipping together, the jot of sharing life in the living Grace of God. Being in a small church does make a difference, I've got to see the Faith so strong in the hearts of the pioneers to see revivals bursting in their campuses, such faith, It inspires me.

Going to perth set my heart ablaze once again, the fire that burned in me, not has it received new fuel, its is an endless explosion of excitement in me. The spiritual outpouring that God has promised, that every tongue will confess, every knee shall bow.

the kind of extravagant love that God gave it all to us.

How much of it reflect off us? Living the life for the King, bringing Glory to each step we take, making every decision with mercy and grace fitted in it. Caring for the hurt, loving the unlovable.

Have we decided? I am going to strive, the biggest journey of my life, living my life for the Glory of my King. By the Grace of God, I know its possible.

catching with old friends kept me thinking, what can I do, to stay strong in my Faith, I've seen friends strayed away, finding no importance in God as I used to be, finding comfort only in the things of the world.

heaven and earth will shake but your word will still remain.

the verse that is now relived in my life

Galations 6:1-2

¹Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. ²Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

How much of God are we going to reflect? how much of God are we going to live?

the revival is coming, are we real enough to catch it? or are we going to let it pass?

In God's Love and Mine

Kenneth

I just want Jesus

2009-06-08T13:14:00.002+08:00

Retreats has never really so appealed to me, until I experience a personal one, going to perth proved to be more then a holiday, Ive never felt so rejuvenated by the spirit of the Lord to such extent, such peace that no break could ever appease in my heart.

I never felt so secure in my life before, knowing that and experiencing it was an eye opener.

Jesus, the centre of my life, in this life, to the end, I just want him, nothing else.

seeing so much beauty just lifts my soul to God, I've never felt so sure, in my faith in knowing his plans for me.
God just blooms, and always surprises people.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Fruits of Labour

2009-05-12T00:02:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, the fulfilment that most of us get from life I believe would upon completion of a task or mission that we strive so hard for. Once its done, we feel good about it and about ourselves.

I always knew about it, but have never really felt the true essence of the emotions
The Tribute -Mother's Day celebration made me felt that all the work, to see souls saved.

It was worth it.

I felt so much joy, just seeing people realised about their faith, something that is so real, compared to living in this world alone, They realised that there is a Saviour that has been loving them so much. A big Daddy looking down towards us.

My heart was so filled with joy. take slower steps has made me see more goodness in fruits then in labour, which just makes service so much sweeter.

I felt touched hearing this story during mother's day and would like to share this here to remember it. A story about a father who made the ultimate sacrifice.

The father's name was John Griffith. He had lost all he had in the stock market crash. He moved to Mississippi where he took a job as bridge operator for a railroad trestle.

In 1937 he was involved in a horrible accident.One day his 8 year-old son, Greg, spent the day with his Dad at work. The boy poked around the office and asked dozens of questions - just like little boys do. The bridge was over a river and whenever a ship came John had to open the bridge to allow the ships to pass.

The day the boy was there with his father a ship was coming so John opened up the drawbridge. After a moment or two he realized his son wasn't in the office and as he looked around, to his horror, John saw his son climbing around on the gears of the draw bridge.He hurried outside to rescue his son but just then he heard a fast approaching passenger train, the Memphis Express, filled with 400 people.

He yelled to his son, but the noise of the now clearing ship and the oncoming train made it impossible for the boy to hear him.

All of a sudden John Griffith realized his horrible dilemma. If he took the time to rescue his son the train would crash killing all aboard, but if he closed the bridge, the boy would be crushed in the gears.John would sacrifice his son.

He made the horrible decision, pulled the lever and closed the bridge.

It is said, as the train went by John could see the faces of the passengers, some reading, some even waving, all of them oblivious to the sacrifice that had just been made for them. In anguish he pounded the glass in the control room and cried out: 'What’s the matter with you people? Don’t you care? Don’t you know I’ve sacrificed my son for you? What’s wrong with you?' No one answered, no one heard. Not one seemed to care. And then soon the train was over the bridge and off into the distance.

We celebrate the fact that Jesus Christ came back from the dead after paying the ultimate price for our sins. We celebrate the fact that salvation is available through trusting in the risen savior of the world.

And that He underwent death for all, so that the living might no longer be living to themselves, but to Him who underwent death for them and came back from the dead. (2 Corinthians 5:15)

But even though we celebrate, sometimes we forget. There was more than one sacrifice that was made on the hill called The Skull where Jesus hung on the Cross and poured out His life.There was also a Daddy.

He watched in heaven as His precious Son was spit on, insulted, tortured, and finally murdered by people who had no idea who they were killing. The heart of God the Father must have been shattered into a million pieces as the land grew dark

Then Jesus shouted, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" And with those words he breathed his last." (Luke 23:46)

God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)While we were on the train, headed for destruction, while we were addicts and selfish, sinful people, while we were clueless about the destiny of eternal souls. A Daddy chose to love us and choose to let His one and only Son be crushed by the gears of Crucifixion.

I just want to end with this, with someone loving you so much, don't you wan to know Him more?

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

Whats the result?

2009-04-22T23:25:00.003+08:00

I've been spending great quality time recently with myself, talking to God, working out my sums to the math of a human mind, what works, what does not.

the only thing that makes it so complex to figure is, Free Will.

I've learnt to understand that it is one of the most beautiful thing that God ever gave to man when he create them, but it can be one of the most hurtful things to God when it starts being used for the wrong purposes.

Whats Right and Whats wrong? I find that hard to tell, everything in this world starts creating so much perspective, things that used to be condemned are now starting to look right. for instance, being and alcoholic is wrong but it is okay to drink once in awhile? tattooing used to be wrong but now it is subjective?

Somehow, I question poped out of my head, "what's the result? what do I wanna achieve from all this?"

what do we want to achieve from doing all these? swearing? fighting back? tattooing? studying? listening to our parents? coming to church? being in a ministry?

which of these grants us fulfilment in life?
does swearing grants us fulfilment in life? or is it the "way of life" that everyone talks about?
does studying grants us fulfilment in life? or is it just a parents' idea?
does coming to church grants us fulfilment in life? or is it just for acceptance or parents?

for me, studying grants me the fulfilment of growing myself to be a learned man.
coming to church grants me the fulfilment of meeting God and recieving more from Him
serving the ministry grants me the fulfilment of serving and doing God's work
serving my cell members grants me the fulfilment of seeing them grow

what makes your fulfilment? when we say the sinner's prayer, knowing and accepting that we were a sinner and will always be. when we declare that God cleanses us of our sins, what was it that made us say them? whats was the fulfilment that we declare that God exist, and he is here to love us.

you and I were made to worship
you and I all cover in love
you and I choose to believe
you and I forgiven and free
you and I will see what we were meant to be.

What were you meant to be?

the choices we make define who we are. choose well.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

My Heart Sings

2009-04-19T21:02:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, It feels so exciting just living my life to the fullest, listening, feeling and just enjoying the presence of God every min, every hour, every sec.

then nothing else ever seemed to matter;

sadly, the devil always trys to spoil everything for us, with his last ditch effort. how I'd wish he will just disappear. wouldn't life be slightly easier to live by?

Serving my ministry has always been a joy, am still thinking about it even though I am taking a break from it. wonder whats next for me. would God still want me to invest in the lives of children in Superlife?

My last worship set was really an eye opener, God showed how lacked of confidence in God could bring down the spiritual aspect in our worship, our preparation for the children sacrifice. Then later on, it starts to come to a meeting where everyone starts implementing stuff here and there.

God was Good, I believe one thing that he reminded the team was having faith in Him, the sole belief that our team exist only to serve as tools used by God, only then would we have our highest fulfilment in anything that we do.

As we call upon the name of the Lord, he poured out so deeply, so strongly, so mightily. every inch of his presence is felt with such appreciation in my heart.

So, my heart sings to the King, laying down my fears and sorrows, my pride and and selfishness.
at the foot of the cross.

where His grace and mercy lives. I wonder just how long I'll last? would my love last forever? I want it to last =) because I know he has never failed me. I just dunno how to make it last.
Well, I'll just take one step at a time =)

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

My Life's Tesitmony through Relationships

2009-04-05T22:48:00.010+08:00

My Life as a teenager was a pretty trying one, like many teens, I was yearning for attention, love, affirmation in my life and even real friends.

I came from a broken family background, know that, I've never felt a Father's Love for me before. Mum's is working hard and seldom spends time at home, as a child, I've never felt love spoken in my languange before, something that I could feel loved.

based on that, I had a hard relationship with my mother, I grew cold and bitter towards my family as there wasn't a outlet of a loving whole family which I yearned so much. As so, I portrayed myself as a fun, happy-go-lucky person in school, doing my best to again the attention that I needed in school.

As so, I've did things in regret, I picked up the habit of smoking and drinking while working in a pub as a teen. A short-lived satisfaction which I appreciated so. These habits made me feel free, at ease, that stress of life wasn't there to keep me all cringed up. The circle of friends started to revolve around these areas. I felt accepted and wanted.

But God never Failed me, Since young I've always knew he existed but never loved or even want to have a relationship with him, I felt, God is God, while I am just me, small and insignificant.

During my time of auguish, God lead me to a cell thru my mum, reluctantly I went, with a empty heart I went not know what to expect.

In God's Perfect time, My empty heart was filled. I felt something like I've never felt before, the warmth of friends, the authenticity of relationships, the transparency in confiding in one another. I felt God's spirit flowing all around.

Life never really changed since then, except the impact it made on me during that period of time, slowly, I began to make decisions in my life to start being right with God.

for instance, trying to stop drinking seemed to be one of the hardest thing for me, as I used to drink almost everyone with or without a companion to drink with me. I began to pray, to recieve freedom from such a habit, It wasn't easy at all, not one bit. the fact that most of my friends were heavy drinkers too. I had to stop going out on late nights to face the temptation to drink again. through my struggles, I felt that there was someone there trying to comfort me, trying to ease my temptations.

throughout this whole entire time too, God slowly became the centre in my relationships with my friends, I started making friends in church, people who shaped my character, I did struggle with the sense of authenticity for a period of time due to the past hurts I've recieved from people. But slowly, I began to feel the genuine love from friends I've made.

Right now, God has groomed me to be a better person, a better example in my life's testimony. I've learnt to trust in Him in each and every step I take, learning to maintain a better relationship with the friends I have.

Relationships are the most important key into what makes us tick , that was how I learnt that God created us to be relational people, how he placed the right people into my life, and in every rough turn, he places a smooth finish.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Freedom in the Name of Jesus

2009-03-30T21:18:00.002+08:00

Somehow, new revelations always seemed so simple at times, like everything is just a nutshell.
to be stuck in bondages? to be living in guilt all the time? to be crying to burst free? to even question who will set me free?

well, I got my answers.

Jesus, The King of kings, Lord of lords

Somehow, that never registered clearly in my mind, I knew all along that Jesus was the answer, but I never questioned why.

Why was Jesus the answer to all our pains?, our "bondages"?

That revelation made me see, how all things could be just so easy, that we all need to understand that.

John 14:20
Jesus said,"On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you"

Jesus said, "YOU are in me, and I am in YOU" that "you" represents both you and me.
we all know that Jesus lives in us, but us in Jesus?
somehow, I was struck through a book, a person who has fallen so much from his ministry and understood this verse!

When we just keep ranting on things we struggle with, those bondages we think hold us together,
jealously, anger, lust, low self-esteem, false humlity, judgemental.

One things grew such root after learning from romans 6:6-7
"For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of the sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- becuase anyone who has died has been freed from sin"

Anyone has died? who did? it was us! when we first spoke that sinner's prayer, we have "died" and is a new creation in Christ. Jesus took our oldselves when he hung on that cross!

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free"

thats the truth! that we died along with our flesh when God sacrificed his son for us, not the "I am a hopeless person who is just tied to bondages that I cant let go off"

I've used to doubt myself about being a Christian, I've always felt unworthy to even see his toes, I felt dirty.

but hey, God said, we are in Him. It is no longer that we are in bondage and are of no worth to God, but..

It is because God loves us for who we are and loves us so that we can change!

I took an example of how wrong perspective can prohibit freedom (Zig Ziglar)

Harry Houdini, the famed escape artist, issued a challenge wherever he went. He could be locked in any jail cell in the country, he claimed, and set himself free in short order. Always he kept his promise,

But one times something went wrong. Houdini entered the hail in his street clothes; the heavy metal doors clanged shut behind him. He took from his belt to a concealed piece of metal. strong and flexible.

He set to work immediately, but something seemed to be unusual about this lock. For thirty minutes he worked and got nowhere.

An hour passed, and still he had not opened the door. By now he was bathed in sweat and panting in exasperation, but he still could not pick the lock.

Finally after labouring for 2 hours, Harry Houdini collapsed in frustration and failure against the door.

It swung open! It had never been locked at all! But in his mind it was locked and that was all it took to keep him from opening the door and walking out of the jail cell!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

for us Christians, we always think that the bondage to our lives will stick till the ends of the earth, but hey!

God has unlocked the door for us! whats left is to push it open and claim that freedom. that we will be raised up with Him and are now seated with Him in the heavenlies.

Isn't that awesome?

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

Peaceful thoughts

2009-03-28T00:41:00.003+08:00

Thought changing my link would be good, a new change, a new beginning perhaps.

Wonder what works now, would people still understand? still care? or be self absorb in their own situations and problems praying for others to help.

To be at peace with myself, to keep going, sometimes, it does get tough, and I have a hard time figuring things out, thankfully, God has been gracious to me.

Peace resides within.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

2009-03-25T23:01:00.003+08:00

Fustration, just continues to fill my heart, somehow, a beer in a pub right now really sounds nice.

keeping myself busy, numbing myself to hurts or misunderstanding, being judged by people, not getting support form my family, what could be hard then that right now. is there even meaning to life?

meaningless, everything so meaningless, I find myself so weak, so easily destroyed, so vunerable. I wonder why God dun just take my life away and end it. end all the sufferings in every soul, take them away. bringing them to a place where we all belong, not just this world.

anger, sadness, joy, peace, I cant really bring myself to portray any of these right now.

putting this blog private, I wonder who will notice. my own existence, if I die, will anyone know?

Devil is grabbing that foothold, I'm paralsyed.

God, pull me out of this mess, the pain. I wished that I've never asked about anything but just die down here right now.

2009-03-24T02:05:00.002+08:00

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to see your face
Lord, all I am is yours

Life can be broken down into so many segments, so many branches, somehow, it fascinates me how I can be reminded through reminding people.

Struggles come from a source, Healing comes from Faith to open up from within
Bondages is broken thru forgiveness.

Interestingly, I've been feeling emotionally down, maybe just confused. easily agitated, or even provoked.

My strength comes from the Lord

The freedom of Christ, beauty of free will, suffering from choices, regrets from mistakes.

It is easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle then a rich man to enter heaven.

how much am I really holding back, the hurts, the pains. Tremendous rage of emotions, flowing in and out of my soul. so hard to explain.

and here I am, humbled by his majesty.

His grace shall fall like rain
Faith shall grow like a seed.

2009-03-15T23:31:00.002+08:00

the unexpected heaviness of my heart, I have not idea but somehow, I just feel so discouraged, interesting how finding a community that is to be part of my life is so challenging.

Everything doesn't seem right, am I suppose to let go completely?

interesting times....

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Thoughts

2009-03-09T21:27:00.003+08:00

Life is pretty exciting, especially when God allows you to let it go for a different turn, its been awhile, since everyone started asking me how did I felt when I had to let it go, the hardwork I've poured it, it somehow felt like everything restarted.

definitely, it WAS for a good cause.

When they asked questions like that, even me, it was void of emotions, I did not feel anything at all, it was nothing... I could not tell if it was joy or pain or sorrowfulness.

God has brought so much into my life, I can only be too grateful.

my ministry, what does it really mean to me?
it means more then just my hardwork, more than just my heart, more then just my feelings.

It was God.

I've remembered how I gave God these words
Send me, I will go.

to everyone who needs, I will give my best

My ministry in Superlife, In Poly/Ite 4, these are the babies that I've been nurturing and have always been proud of. I love you guys man.
still, deep in my heart longs for more, more people to grow deeper in God, to rise to their call.
and most imptly, to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit in everything they are doing.
I just need more of that.

In my heart, these whole season of quiet time, my heart is beginning to feel unrest and lethargic, just to desiring so much more, to pour through my life.

I want to be bigger, bigger in capacity, to start caring for the people in need of the Good news, to start loving so much more the people around. to spark a fire so bright in my cell group.

To Lift up my eyes all of heavens in worship
the Angels rejoices and the Clouds will be filled
With the Wonders of YOUR NAME.

Things in my heart seems to be stiring so much, I cant explain it in words.

God, I will give my everything, for the Glory of your kingdom, I do not know why I feel this way, I will throw away everything, living a life of sacrifice to only you.
thats how I really feel now, will it be really true?

In God's love and Mine,
Kenneth

My Saviour Lives

2009-02-20T17:35:00.003+08:00

Having Holidays sure makes my life more peaceful now, having more time to spend with God.
Learning more about the word of God, celebrating his name.

I've made so much decisions now, most of them, difficult as they seemed, God always has his way in me.

To be able to use my music to worship God so freely, makes me feel the peace of God so much stronger. God has yet more things to break me on, to grow me, to show me more things, to tell me, that his is the Kings of kings, the Lord of lords, My Saviour.

My Saviour

In Every Season
In Every Circumstance
I see that beauty
smiling right at me

Your grace so tender
Your Love unfailing
The life you gave
that brings me to my knees

hold me close and never let me go
Break my heart for what breaks yours

So beautiful are the works of your hands
So wonderful are the blessings that came
How Awesome is to give my praises
Jesus, My Saviour

As we humble ourselves
To seek your Face
Fall on our knees
To give you praise

written as a song of praise to God, Kenneth Heng

To humble ourselves, to seek his face. All Glory to God =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

I still Believe

2009-02-19T00:07:00.002+08:00

Ever wondered if everything in this world, the values, the different aspects of life exist?
Would we ever have the Faith to carry on, when we are stuck by incertainty? by turmoil? pains? torture?

Would we begin to shout it out, that I still believe and have the Faith to walk through everything

Jesus Said," I am the way, the truth and the light, no one comes throught the Father except through me"

Somehow, this season feels like there are so many people feeling tired, giving up.

Can we? stand strong and firm on the solid rock that was laid before us? The Joy of the Lord being our strength, how much do we use that Joy? Are we even Joyful?

Is it possible? to get out of 'emo' times?

It is really interesting to wonder, if God was everything we need, would there be emo times/periods? Ahh... but God IS everything, so why is there still emo times/periods?

I've Learnt one thing.

Free Will

Thats the beauty of it, God gives everything free will, the liberty to choose over something so much more important, to believe in the Father. To walk out in Faith.

To believe.

Do we? use that free will to believe?

heres a song to share, his name is Jeremy Camp,
he Lost his wife to cancer after 5 months of marriage and wrote this song.
"I Still Believe" Will you?

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before.
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe
Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness
I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know that you are near

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe I still believe (repeat 8 X's)

Ohhh, I still believe, I still believe

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Love In everything we do

2009-02-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

I thought I'll just write some of my thoughts in the midst of my stresses of work and school.

Valentine's day is coming once again, just like every year. I wonder what will be new, in every aspect of a celebration, something would always come up.

I used to spend my time thinking of relationships and my future spouse to be and how would my future family be. that was during my sec sch days.

When I came back to God, I experienced hurts, pains and regrets of others who came into a relationships. So much so, I decided never to enter a relationship until it was a clear God given sign from God Himself, before I'll open my heart to someone.

I would never want to hurt anyone

I chance upon this verse during my QT today

Colossians 3:1 -4
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

This verse so represented me!
God has been so real in my life, they amazing way he grew me, from a child to a man. giving wisdom to the extent of how much I needed. So much so, I decided

My life would be a Christ-Like adventure

what would take the place of your life right now?
is it self seeking? or God seeking?
would dates like valentines distract us from the goals we all should aim for?

Colossians 12-14
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Love is the one thing that holds us together, the love thing that all mankind, all living things existed for.

Love is that real, amazing isn't it?

Colossians 3:15-17
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Dying to Self

2009-02-06T00:55:00.002+08:00

Whats does it really mean?

A consecrated life, a total giving of self to Christ.

A story inspired me, learning to giving my whole to God. the illustration by a camp doctor who remembers the manner Pastor Bonhoeffer went to his death.

Through the half-open door in one room of the huts I saw Pastor Bonhoeffoer, before taking off his prison garb, kneeling on the floor praying fervently to his God. I was most deeply moved by the way this unusually lovable man prayed, so devout and so certain that God heard his prayer. At the place of execution, he again said a short prayer and climbed the steps to the gallows, brave and composed. His death ensued after a few seconds. In almost fifty years that I worked as a doctor, I have hardly ever seen a man die so entirely submissive to the will of God

Abstract from, The Faith
Given Once, For All
(Charles Colson and Harold Fickett)

in the say way,

Matthew 26:38-39
"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

Looking at Jesus, yet not as I will, but as You will. can we all achieve that stage of giving? for the higher calling given to us.

Matthew 26:53-54
Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?"

Jesus had the chance to run away, to be protected, to be feared by others with his power. he said those words all because of us, to bring us into restoration and purity. without his blood, we will all be nothing but worthless sinners getting ready to burn into hell.

at the end

Matthew 27:50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

the way he gave his life so willingly back to God. for the sake of all mankind.

My desire and hope, is to follow the true role model of my life. to give my everything for the sake of his glory and kingdom come.

My last words.

Luke 23:42-43
Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. "
Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

I am remembered.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Whats is religion?

2009-01-28T12:27:00.002+08:00

I was just pondering over the few days that I kept being sick.

whats is Christianity to you? is it a religion? a relationship?

what does it mean to believe in the one who sacrificed his life for you?

I hate being sick man, feels weaker as each day passes, its has been like this for the past 2 months.

God is my Healer, and somehow, i felt that there was something for me to learn thru this journey with him.

I believe in Him, my relationship as a child to a Father, how about you?

I decided to keep this short, maybe for you guys to think about it.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Empathy

2009-01-18T23:09:00.003+08:00

One of my greatest wish and joy, was to earn the trust of people, to spend my time well in my ministry, to bless people in every way that I can.

I've Learnt one thing this year, empathy. As a person, I knew the word perfectly well, but I did not know how to feel it well, or even to show it to others.

all I yearn was to connect to others, to the people around me, my sheeps, my children.

I used to be one that was a person with only the answer, and never been able to understand the feelings of others. Only to focus on getting them right.

I realised, they know whats right

In every person, God gave them a spirit to discern whats right and wrong, but God uphold something so important in a person's life, relationship.

everyone needs someone that understands them.

thats how I am praying, to be able to be the one to understand and share pain with the people around me.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

The Heart's Condition

2009-01-11T20:54:00.002+08:00

Its really interesting to wonder how in each and every season, a person's heart condition changes.

I felt mine change, pretty drastically.
This feeling of desire, regret, confusion stepped in.

the resolutions I've made, seemed to be a big leap, that I could not get used to.
Finding a community for myself
Growing more Leaders in Faith to lead others
Sheperding people God placed in my life
Bring mentorship to a higher level of Christ-likeness
Increasing my knowledge/understanding of the Word of God
Bless the missions
Winning 2 souls for Jesus

I feel lighter now, the things that has been let go of. Things close to my heart.

God has a plan, I know it.

New year, New resolutions, New wineskins, Bigger Faith.

I feel weaker, more helpless, the desire to love my sheeps but not knowing what to do.
That makes God stronger. and I know it.

This year, somehow I felt myself wanting to be passive, in my ministry,in my personal life, with God

I'm Glad I didn't

I thank God for a great friend who reminded me my calling that God has been so real and evident in my life.

I believe this year would be a year of sheperding, the people around me, growing them to be God fearing, fruit bearing people.

God, I offer this vessel to you.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Fruits of the Spirit

2009-01-06T23:18:00.002+08:00

As the first post of the new year, I'd thought i'll just post about the last few words that Jesus told us before he was betrayed,"I am the true vine, and we are the branches".

He den spoke about those that did not bear fruits he will cut it off,
truth is, does anyone understand the meaning of fruits?

does it mean, the number of people we save?
or the qualities we have?
the riches we earned?
the amount of work we do?

truth is, there is not specifications to where our fruits are, it is vast, the things we do for God are our fruits, and that includes the fruits of the spirit. (Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control)

Is our spirit being fed by the fruits of guilt? disappointment? or even anger?

what is growing onto our vine? are we growing the fruits God is longing for?

fruits, in the past, were meant to be the sweetest prize in the harvest, and in our cases, life.

The Fruits we wanted to bear, may not seemed to be growing in us and we wonder why, this is due to us being self-centered and hurts or bondages that grew in our lives wasn't being handled in the right way.

that will make us spiritually stuck.

in the situation of a vineyard with the vinedresser, the vines that is lying on the ground which did not bearing fruits will have dust, mud and other stuff on it, preventing it from flourishing.
the vinedresser, insteads of cutting it, cleans and scrubs it with love and hangs it up nice and high. waiting patiently for it to grow once more.

this proves a point, God intervenes for us, when our lives starts to get stains with sins, God comes in to discipline us, cleaning us and putting us back into that light again.

God doesn't forsake us, will you forsake God?

At the end, God will cut us away if we continued to collect dirt and stains in our lives, and not growing the right fruits to glorify God.

The whole picture of this is too big to comprehend, but remember these things.
(in no particular order except the first one)

1) God Loves Us
2) We do these things to make our lives right
3) we do it because we love our king
4) it brings meaning to our lives in doing it.

Somethings, satan put doubts in us to stray away from righteousness, are you?

God has brought me higher, closer to his feet.
and I am bringing my resolutions to him, disciplining myself to grow more =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Endless Praise is rising

2008-12-30T07:25:00.002+08:00

Praise God, I guess i wasn't ready with what God had to show me in HL camp, the expectancy in my heart was so hyped after all, but God pressed in.

I've learnt a great deal and was even affirmed in my calling, God once again reminded me =)
Galations 6:1-2

I thank God, for the surprise he has given me in HL camp, the sense of belonging, the unity that was created in the camp.

I praise God for the people that grew in that camp, it was so amazing, my cell, my sheeps, my tribe. I love you guys so much.

My heart was so blessed, by the people, the affirmation that was given to one another.

My new found goal for 2009, to find a community that I will live with.

God placed such importance in a community, I didn't.
I was just bring work in my life to be such importance, I forgot i needed the affirmation and did not realised how much I lacked that till Camp.
I guess I will not let myself be an introvert anymore.

To all my friends,
I am Sorry, I dun really know anything else to say but Thank God for all the input you guys had in my life, I really appreciate.

Praise God...

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Christmas, Season of giving

2008-12-24T20:15:00.002+08:00

Christmas, the sign of the humble birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.
The festive of giving and celebrating, that caught me thinking for awhile.

this Christmas, has been a time of reflection for me, throughout the year, the things I've done, regrets, hurts, pains. I look back, and say to myself ,"it was all worth".

People, are we running this race to the best we can? or are we just crawling our way, hoping for a easy ride to salvation? Jesus said, being a Christian ain't going to be easy, people will condemn us, find fault in us, use every single thing to make us deny him.

Truth is, will we?

Think back, of the many trials, how did we went thru it? was there trust in God? faith? hope? or love?

or was there selfishness? greediness? self centeredness?

I felt God speaking, are we going to lead our lives the same again? Or are we going to strive, to run the race with all our might, strength, soul and spirit? to get to know the true and living God more and more.

Highlife camp is coming, I sense a feeling of expectancy from my heart, a certain longing for something. I believe God will show me more for next year.

is God going to show you more next year?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Godly Reminders

2008-12-21T22:45:00.003+08:00

God is such an amazing God, this whole year, has been a real trying year for me, times where i have to bite myself to get through it.

But God has always been faithful, all I needed to do was to trust in Him for his provisions, in his time, sometimes, I do get impatient with him, but my Father would never fail to bring me back to his home.

I grew, that I must say, but I'll always be that Child in His Eyes, always needing guidance in my journey. I never wanted anything else except the comfort of His wings and his Grace and Mercy.
He has been so wonderful, I've been so imperfect.

That's right, I am imperfect, that made me only human, that gave me the fear of the Lord, that I may not tread onto wrong territories. that I grew closer to God, In Spirit In Love.

In My heart, I Longed for brothers, people close enough that I could share my life with. People that Cry with me, share Joy and celebration with me.

God does place things and people in my Life to make me smile.

This month, Its has to be the most trying month I ever had this year. I forgot one very important thing in what I do.

It was the Joy of Giving. The Joy that God had giving his all for us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sing praises to your name, O'Lord
Praises to your name, O'Lord
For your name is great, and greatly to be Praise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorifying the one who made all things beautiful.

I thank you, Jesus Christ, my beloved Saviour, for doing the things because you Loved me.

once again
I've found beauty in every season, A smile in every circumstance.

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

Stay Aflame, to burn more

2008-12-17T22:05:00.002+08:00

People only change when on the Brink of Desperation, How true is that?

somehow i find that relating to me in a very real way, the people around me, my ministry, my friends.

is it only when sometimes hits us or drives us to the edge before our instincts kick in looking for a way out?

somehow, my hearts just moans, I find my life getting more and more meaningless by just living it out. the only sense of contentment or should i say satisfaction i find is that God is and will always be with me. in the things i do, i hope to find joy.

without that, I would be just an empty shell. without God's impact in my life, I'll curse everyday that I'm alive. the other thing i'll be looking forward to is to either just die off this world or be raptured.

I cant wait, I am looking for nothing else except to pass this lifetime, to go into that paradise with the Lord. I am not staying here, I am just passing by.

I only one thing i ever hoped in this lifetime, to be understood.

till today, no one has ever tried to understand me, my thoughts, my decision, my feelings.

I feel it is always on the point of assumption.

it is such a sad thing, to not even be misunderstood. but they dun even try to understand.
friends aside, families too.

To perserve, the amount of pain, to the point of numbness.

I need to stay aflame, I need to.

God is my strength, my salvation, I believe in that.

We all face challenges in this life, who doesn't? mine was written all above.
lets perserve through this, we will not stay in this world, we are just passing by.
God will come to pass. then we all will see the Glory of the heavens, the Love and Grace of God.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

How Big is your Heart?

2008-12-12T16:10:00.002+08:00

I've Learnt something new, this time. (The Disciplines of a Godly Man)

In every Christian, the size of their hearts matters, there are 2 distinct course.
One, is to cultivate a small Heart, this is the path where almost everyone first decides to take this path, for it minimizes the sorrows of life, by running away from the troubles of life, avoiding confusing relationships/friendships, by keeping everything to yourself and hold great ideals near to your heart.

This way, we feel more comfortable, and not in the midst of uncertainty.

This relates to some of the principles of life,

Cultivate deafness and we will not hear the discords of life

Cultivate blindness and we will not see the ugliness of life

This is how many Christians get on with life "peacefully" and with such ease.
They have cultivated smallness of heart

--

The Other heart would be to grow a Ministering Heart.

Open yourself to others, and you will be vulnerable to a load of sorrows unimaginable to a shrivel heart, hold close and live out your ideals, and your vulnerability will increase.

Hurts will come, you will be judged, your pain will exponentially increase. for even the most powerful ministers have never lived a life of ease.

--

each heart are very different from one another.
little hearts, safe and protected, can never contribute to anything and no one can ever benefits from them.
Ministering Hearts, on the other hand, though they are vulnerable, they have hearts which possess the most joy and leave their heartprints on the world.

--

Which heart are we yearning for? which heart will we experience the greatness of God? which heart will give us the most fulfilment in life?

Cultivate deafness and we will never hear discord, but we will never heard the glorious symphony that God created.
Cultivate blindness and we will never see ugliness of life, but we will never see the beauty of God's creation.

not serving in a ministry, we can avoid the hassle of going early and the weariness.
Serving with a heart for God, we experience the Spirit of God flowing within us.

---

Cultivating a small Heart, you will never have a Heart God desires for you.
I've realised the purpose for my pains, even thought of running away, till i read this.
God's purpose and journey for us is just so exciting, maybe even tiring, maybe even sad and painful.
I am running this race, with God by my side.

A ministering Heart.

~you will find beauty in every season, a smile in every circumstances~
---

Jesus's Heart was for the souls of people, the children, the church.

Where is our Hearts at right now?
WWJD?
What Would Jesus Do?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

The Rainbow Connection

2008-12-08T07:49:00.002+08:00

Ever heard of this song?
I was just chance upon this song and it meant quite alot!
Read the lyrics Carefully

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions,
but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.

So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
,The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of thatand someone believed it,
and look what it's done so far.

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell,we know that it's probably magic....
Have you been half asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.

Somehow, this song actually speaks about world views and how we came to believe things that aren't true, there is this part, "Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it"

Somehow, I felt this represented the human side of man. that we choose to believe in what is not then what is right.

Will we find God's promises thru the rainbow like Noah?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa

The Joy in my Life

2008-12-03T23:14:00.002+08:00

Life's been pretty... Tiring for me now, been working out late because of school work and ministry stuff. Been alittle down, trying to figure out certain things in my situation that God has placed me.

Just a Thought, We speak all the time about the Joy of the Lord being with us, how to we enjoy that Joy? is just a false smile enough? is just jokes enough to make us keep smile?

Whats the drive to a genuine smile? when you smile at someone, does it feel warm? or it is just a plastic facade we all place over us?

Do we bring that Joy of God, the warmth, that spiritual presence all around us with us?

We speak so much of God's power, the holy spirit's anointing, the revival that we've longed.

Lets start by living it out our lives, to be examples, God works thru simplest ways.

A smile from our hearts would be Great =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Something in my Heart

2008-11-23T20:41:00.002+08:00

Been reflecting all these while, the basis of our calling, right back to where we were suppose to start. The calling of God, the will of God, is it something we set for ourselves? or something in which we trust and have faith in God to move to that place?

E. Stanley Jones said this:
If I throw out a boathook from the boat and hold of the shore and pull, do I pull the shore to me, or do I pull myself to the shore? Prayer is not pulling God to my will, but the aligning of my will to the will of God.

this is just so true..

even in our ministry, be it in Highlife, or Superlife, do we do the things, pulling God to our will? or do we align ourselves to the will of God?

Looking at ourselves, what do we achieve in doing things that we want in the ministry? Is it really what God wants?
--

Whats the true service of serving in SuperLife?
do we just fufil our duties and move on? do we accept the fact that SuperLife will always be what it is now? do we make an effort to improve ourselves?

--
What does it mean to serve the children, initially i wanted to post this on the superlife blog, but i will just leave it here. So many times, we emphasise on serving the children, how much are we following of that?

few questions that ran through my mind.
--
Do we really know our kids well?

Do we remember their names?

Do we smile at them? talk to them about their lives?

Do we try to get them to make friends?

Or

Do we just stick to the kids we knew before and keep it at that level?

Do we just get to know the cuter kids but leaving out the rest?

Do we just stick to the 'angelic' kids but leave out the more playful ones?
---

These are real questions, how much of them are we being convicted to serve the children?

Every child is a precious soul to God, do we treat them as precious as God does?
--

is it a good time for a change? a change for the better?

lets not begin to feel guilty, for no one is perfect, I thank those who have been constantly reminding me to walk right with God and I encourage those who think that they have been straying to walk with me.

Here is a song, the song that has been singing in my heart, to share with you guys =)

Here I am - PlanetShakers

Something in my heart
Is burning like a fire
I want to live for You

Need Your touch right now
Fill me with Your power
Power to live for You
my God

I will not be moved
I will stand for You

I will go where You send me
Jesus take me now
I am Yours, I am Yours
I lay my life on the altar
Everything I give to You
My Lord,
Here I am, Here I am

Here I am, send me
Here I am, send me
Here I am, send me
Here I am, send me
----

Is your heart asking God to send you somewhere?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

A Vesper

2008-11-23T00:35:00.001+08:00

Great God who knowest all our needs
Bless thou our watch and guard our sleep

Forgive our sins of thoughts and deeds
And in thy peace thy servant's keep

We thank thee for the day thats done
We trust thee for the day to be

Thy love we learn in Christ thy son
Oh may we all his Glory seek
Amen

The watchful prayer of a BB boy.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

In Every Season

2008-11-21T17:55:00.003+08:00

Song title: In Every Season

As I stand here in your presence

Trying to do all the things for you

As I try to work for my salvation

I've realised that it was all in vain

To see your smile through every season

I have just learned one thing. and that is

To stand in the presence of your beauty

To feel the warmth hug of grace

To soak myself in your Glory

As I lay down my Life for the king of Glory

I'll Believe I''ll find beauty in every season of my life

trusting in the name of our father Jesus Christ

-----------------

Believe every inch of life in a season?

do we live our lives of love? or something else?

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth

Your Grace is enough more than I need, Did I overlook?

2008-11-16T22:38:00.002+08:00

God's Grace, if it did not exist, neither will I. The pillar of support in my life, was the Grace of God. The source of my strength.
--

God's Grace; it is freely given, so easy to get but yet so easy to forget.

--

It's been such a long time God, I'm so sorry, I've missed those times I've spent with you, the Glory, the peace, the Joy and the unexplainable wisdom you've shown me.
I Thank you for this day, it was so precious, I've learnt yet once again, to trust in your power and justice divine for you reign over everything.

--

Thank you for understanding me so much, you knew my troubles, my worries, my sins, my mistakes & everything the devil could use against me.
Even though I was searching for an answer, you knew I wasn't ready for it, and even if you shown me, I'll would not understand and it will only add on to my worries

--

You knew my struggles with myself, the only thing I've ever wanted in this life was to be taken away, vanished... raptured by you, only to live in the splendour, yet I am still here by your strength pulling through each day. Life's been so lonely when I have not been hearing your voice.

--

The Grace of God, do we really appreciate it? did we forget about it? mistakes happen, thats only human. Did the world hit 'perfection' in you? or did God created you into perfection? thru his grace.

--
I'll gladly throw down my life, to see the things of God to reign over all things, to see the devil being defeated to see people being saved and protected. does my life worth that much?
Is it a season for me right now? Is that season ending? Lord you are my guide, I live this life solely for you.
--

to be completely surrendered, to know that God's grace is more then I need and believe it in Faith. Thats not depression, but deliverance.

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

Back to the secret place

2008-11-15T23:42:00.002+08:00

I just love sharing from the bottom of my heart, its been so long, just too long.
I thank God for this moment for it has taught and shown me things furthur.

Service in a ministry, why do we all do that? the right answer would be "we do it for God", "because we love him".
but is it always that way? or sometimes I do it out of duty? I was being forced into?

I'll try to rephase it," who church are we building?" I've asked this before. If we say God, why do we keeping wanting things our way? would that be God? If we say our church, then where would God be? the groom waiting to hold the church's hand.

--
Whats the answer in your heart?
--

This is not to make you feel guilty. This is to help all of us change, for me to live in Christ and to Die is Gain.

--
I had this great reminder,

what makes a mature Christian?
Is it someone who has lots of sprirtual knowledge?
Is it someone who is very spiritual?
Is it someone who does alot for God?

A Mature Christian is one who has the values and attributes for the Holy Spirit.

To put it simply, God is Love, to be like Christ, we need to put others first above us.

When Someone does something out of good will, do we put them down because it was badly done? or because we think they are such a busybody?

Where is the standing in your calling? to Love others? to Love your neighbours?

--
Every road has its windings, but each placed meaning and value to it
but do we see it? learn from it?
--

--
I felt God leading this way, he needs his people back in his embrace. I've been remind of this by God,"how long has it been? since the last time you looked at me in awe, enjoying what I have for you? but to see all your request and self centeredness?

God is all that you need to be, Pray.. with all of your heart, lets ask God, to lead us back into that secret place!

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Nothing is too difficult for me

2008-11-13T22:34:00.003+08:00

Been pondering over awhile, after a series of incidents that has happened to me, would God ever give me something harder? that I could not take? to break me apart?

I've learnt something from God, that the problems we face, aren't only just test for us, the ones which we fail badly, go crazy about. to the verge of breaking down, somethings usually happens to pull us through. Ever wondered why?

I look at the life of Job, because he has one of the most screwed up life in the bible, he had everything taken away from him, Love, Fortune, family, and even his health. Frankly, I would just break apart if anyone of those just hit me once, I imagined, if I lost a loved one... I'll just go insane, I'll do all kinds of stuff, even to the extent of killing myself.

I asked God, would that happen? God's reply was,"when the time is ripe, my son" I realised something, in the story of Job, when God supposedly took everything away from him, He knew that Job would be able to take it, but just nice at his limit, till his cursed his own birth, asking to die, God always pulled him through, it seems God was the hand, pulling me, the rubber band, only to release it once it reached its limit before stretching it furthur.

all these time, God was tugging in my life, stretching me to the biggest of my capabilities, but I only thought that once I've made it through, eveything will be over.

God will always put us in an interesting situation, but he will never put it too difficult for us.

Everything will be okay in the end, if it is not okay, it is not the end yet.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

This is Life

2008-11-10T20:18:00.003+08:00

This is a glimpse of the life I've always wanted, to be so carefree, having no worries, smiles all day and jus enjoying life as it is.

I've always just wanted a feel of what it is like to be like that, haha.

God just has his way of telling me my own journey, telling me to look forward to my promise land, the land flowing with milk and honey. Yet, putting me through the refiner's fire, the burn, the pain I've gotta endure.

Without that, am I who I am? the new refined me? will I learn new things? will I keep the Faith in God? will I know what is GRACE?

To take everything with a smile, Little by little, I'm taking Ground.

Don't you have the Life you ever wanted?

Don't you wanna live Life to the fullest?

to do what ever you what?

Think again

Where is God in all that?

Where is the Grace that He has blessed you with?

Where is the Love he gave to you pinned on that cross?

Would that Life give Jesus?

The Path God planned for us, it is a learning journey

No one is perfect

that includes me.

Many thanks for those who cared, tagged and messaged to encourage me, really appreciate them

In God's Love and Mine,

Kenneth

It finally happened

2008-11-07T20:02:00.002+08:00

My body finally showed me signs, of breaking down. the tremendous amount of stress, both mentally and physically has proven to be too great for my body. One wrong move and my body went haywire.

I do not know if I was waiting for this to happen, maybe I just find it hard to rejects people's requests whenever they needed help. Call it irresponsibility, but I thought i could handle it on my own.

was busy till the point of not remembering to eat my meals, sleeping 3-6 hours everyday, i did not know what i was Thinking. the only reminder was now, weak body, puking at 2am in the morning. feeling like crap all day

I wonder..

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Flexibility, to make the Right Choices

2008-11-01T19:59:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, decisions making are tough when the devil is out to cloud your mind.
to be flexible in my decision? or to be straight? or even to be trying to make the right choices?
the last month has been a great deal of sacrifices for me, giving all of my time to ministry, helping my friends,family included to the extent of sacrificing my sabbath.

GAL 6:1-5
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.
Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.

that was my calling in my life, 18 months ago.. to carry each other burdens. in that way I fulfill the law of Christ.

I always thought that that was it. just to carry someone's burden, to restore people gently to share the love that was given to me.

all this time, what have I achieved?

Fears, so much fears... of losing the people around, so much worries for people, my loved ones, my ministry. So much so.. I started to lose trust, trust in myself. To do the right things, to listen to God's voice, the simplest thing puts me down.
my social circle has been reduced to zero, I don't hang out anymore, my friends stop calling me. the numbers limited to only my 5 fingers.

I do not know if I have suffered, through this season, I knew I would be put through a fire to be refined, but only thought of it as to hold out for as long as possible hoping the season will end without ever thinking what was it God wants me to refine.

I feel different, but not knowing why. I could understand people's feelings when they are down, but could never be understood.

Did I make the right choices?

To make the choice, to be an example, to do something with utmost humility. To look to God in every circumstances, these are my thoughts.

I am so caught up, caught up with so many things, that I left God elsewhere thinking that he would appreciate my works. I suddenly realised, it wasn't my works, it was me that he loves, me that he appreciate, me that he gave his life for.

To grasp that became tangible in my life, Lord, take over. you tore the veil, you made a way, when you said it is done. bring me to my knees, let me listen to that melody of your heart, strike a chord in my heart.

The selfishness in me, to want to be remembered, to be appreciated, to be loved.
God..... Let me find that in you. My heart has harden, tears that never fall. let them fall for you once again.

Kenneth Sings for Jesus

Catching the intangible, that became tangible

2008-10-28T15:31:00.002+08:00

Wow, Had lotsa Fun at sentosa, God did bless all of us, each in a particular way..
Yeap, we kinda lost a rugby ball and a volleyball while each of us were having fun.
I guess I was a lil discouraged then, a loss of something that is of certain importance.

God struck me then, with the story of Job, about how did Job react when everything was taken away from him. and how he stayed on through his Faith and believe that God is there for him and has a way for him.

I remembered then, a question i asked myself long ago, if God, were to just take everything away from me, my love, my family, everything that i hold close to my heart. Would i still remain stedfast? I did not really know how to answer, I wasn't ready to let go of everything.
But I was ready to start learning and taking steps to stay in my Faith.

I Learnt to bless others more, putting the needs of others above mine, that made my Call to ministry clearer that I was in this place to bless people in my season of my life. As i learn things along this journey, that to me, material things were all not important in this place, but rather to see the smile on the people i have blessed, to make them feel loved. that was my greatest accomplishment. My heart feels blessed as I began to bless.

God began teaching me, the things that he has in stored for me, the intangible things that he made tangible for us to grasp them in our arms, feel that warmth.

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

that way, material things didn't seemed important to God, for it wasn't the material things that he gave his life for, it was for each and everyone of US.

He was us, to catch that was intangible, becamed tangible. do we yearn more for that? the hunger? the desire?

"to grasp the intangible moments, take a risk, take a chance, make a change & breakaway"

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

My Strength Comes frm the Joy of the Lord

2008-10-24T00:04:00.003+08:00

I Pray, for strength to carry on as i wait upon you, listening, feeling and meditating on your word, let me see the wonders of everything i am in, the beauty that you have set for me.
that I may not do all this to build my life, or to build myself, or my church.

but that I may build my life for you, to build your church. I see all the bustling events in me, but I want you to walk with me through it. hold my hand tightly as you begin to burn and mould me to take away the impurities for me.

Where does my strength comes from?
My STRENGTH comes from the Joy of the Lord.

Cause I Know your always near me
in this place O God
I want you to know that i'll always need you
in this place O God

the love that never fails
the love thats everlasting
I want that love too.
And i Pray for you

I Never want to run away from you Lord
I know that your the one to bring me back to you
Take me to the place where i am longing to be
Into that Secret place where i belong

Yes.. into that secret place where I Belong..

Where does the strength in you come from?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Being Real, Isn't that what Christ is about?

2008-10-19T21:44:00.002+08:00

Woah, I am quite happy to say that I have Last this blog to my No:100th post.

i Guess it really made appauded as i was quite skeptical about blogging in which i has no interest over, i realised that it has made me grown so much through blogging my thoughts, my own beliefs, lessons i have learnt were there to remind me.

Just now I had a nice chat trying to get to know this sister of mine better. was just talking to her about having a spiritual accountability partner to keep herself in check and stuff like that.

that kinda set myself thinking for awhile, when I asked her a question if she had an accountability partner or a mentor, she mentioned that she had none, it reminded me when I rededicated my life back to God, I just wanted a real friendship all along, someone i can share my life with, to talk rubbish but yet, to be transparent, to have that respect for one another, no secrets, no 'backstabbing' or 'saboing'.

Life used to be such a facade to me, even though my life was falling apart, i can always just smile it away, telling people i am alright but hide in my own shell just wasting my life away.

When I knew God, i realised that God was being REAL to me, the way he showed how much he loved me, intentional things he does to teach me the things i needed, to lift me up when i am down, to celebrate with me when i am up.

Just wanna throw out a question, all these awhile I've been posting about things that were real about me, are we real? real to those, not showing much of that mask? or are we just showing things superficial? things that are just small and insignificant, but keeping the hurts inside.
the friends that are all doing it in school, even, fellow christians?

if we are not, why are we not real? Isn't that what Christianity is all about? to be Christ-like, Christ was real to us, are we real to others? to show the love of Christ to other? Being a Christian, to be different, something not of the world but of God.

maybe just want to throw a challenge out of myself, to continue to be real, putting aside the hurts, the facade and i maybe carrying and just trust in God to guide me, to bring me to the people that needs help. As I share my life story to others, to show them that all we need is God.

Can we be Real?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

This is Me, the Real me

2008-10-14T23:45:00.003+08:00

Woah, just watch the show camp rock and I guess, It Really Blew Me Away!haha(Thanks Nat.jr!)

I felt the show was different, its a different feel, where people just want to be who they are but yet, putting on a facade to be with their friends.

I guess it really reflected who I was in the past, the guy that just wanted to be popular, to do what my friends did which were the dumbest things of all. Just to fit it, I did the craziest things, from being an alcoholic to a smoker and was pretending to be a gangster all the while.
(this is me just sharing alil of my past)

But Yeah, i did it, to a certain point, i felt life was utterly meaningless, Being a Christian was a name i rejected in the past, when i would just deny being one and do all sorts of lies to make them believe me. I did not want to be judged by others or feel left out.

The story was quite similar to Peter, when he denied Jesus Christ 3 times, he was afraid of being judge and he lied, even sweared the he did not know Christ.

I Kinda felt ashamed watching the show, more ashamed as It began to remind me of who i was in the past. Even so, it was tough for me trying to show the myself as a Christian to others.

God spoke to me through such a show, that we want us to be real, to him. not to others, but to Him! why so, who is going to judge us but the one who loves us most?

This Verse just kept prompting me so often many has heard me say this, "do not Look down on yourself because you are young", and this "For God so loved the World, that he gave his one and only Son to die on the cross for our sins."

Who are we living For but the true and living God! I wanna to be what God whats me to be! things may set us down, it maybe too difficult for us. But who said it is about us, Its about God!
it has always been.

I thank God for all that his done for me, I thank God for everlasting Love he has given, somehow i felt revelation, i feel the excitement rushing in, the spirit of God flowing through me.

My prayer will be that God will always be centre of our lives and for us to stand up on what we believe in, in God, to be different but yet just the way God wants us to be, the joy of the Lord to be our strength.

Its been real Good to enjoy this feeling. Its been awhile since I've went to the beach...

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Be the Centre

2008-10-12T19:13:00.002+08:00

Who is in the centre of your life? or should I say what does your life revolves around?
2 maybe different questions altogether, but to me, I believe they are linked together.
people says, life revolves around school, careers, starting a family, finding a life partner and stuff like that. Sometimes our lives revolves around church.

Given me the same question, i'll say my life revolves around living what God wants. I may not be the best person to say this, but deep down in my heart, everything I do, is for the Glory of God.
when your life is revolving around School work, when under pressure do we seek God? when we try do other things like finding a life partner? a career? do we seek God? or world things?

Thoughts just rush in and out of my brains, why do we work so hard to keep the church going? or serving with all our heart/might/soul and strength. why? is it because we were asked to do? is it because our friends are doing together with us? If thats so, who's church are will building? Our church, or God's church?

Recently God spoke to me once again, about trusting his providence. my worries are endless, things that are significant and even those that are not significant, suddenly my eyes began to open. I remembered a quote from a friend's blog "Do not tell God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big God is!"

Who is taking that centre of your life? is it your ministry? your skills? your significant service? wanting the sense of appreciation? wanting attention?

Or God?

I felt the devil putting doubts in our lives, the pessimistic agony, pride, wanting attention. these are works of the flesh and the devil is using them to create doubts everywhere.

I've learnt this time and time again, God never fails to remind me, to Trust in him.

I kinda felt this way, everytime we do something that hurt God, we are putting a nail on Jesus to the cross, the things we do, the things we say, is it All for Love?

Life is always filled with ups and downs, why not smile it through?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Ratings, how would you rate that?

2008-10-11T00:44:00.003+08:00

Was looking thru the Cell Guide for last sunday which was the celebration service for children's day, it started with,

with a rating of 1 to 10, how much would you rate your walk with God? in terms of spiritual, or knowledge, or anything with God.

that kinda set me thinking abit, in this human world, i kinda have this thought that every rating we give is based on our own sets of principles and beliefs and also, our own standards. putting it this way, I can be a "couldn't care-less" person about my studies and think at i have worked very hard at it and think I deserved a good grade. but do I?

I thought this would be a good way to look at, when we rate ourselves, like in this question from a rating of 1-10, putting it under the standards of God, would we ever be closer than 1? I used to say my walk was close, but can it be closer? usually, the answer would be, it can be much much closer. would this rating just set us comfortably where we are that I think i am good enough and i just need to stay this way.

In my own opinion, maybe it is because I used to have low self esteem of myself, could be due to my past experiences in my life. I felt ashamed when I rededicated my life to God, like i wasn't really worth for him to die on the cross for my sins and that i was the biggest failure of all. I thought there was a limit to me getting to know God closer.

But God, all he did was,"my child, look to me" i felt this huge arms hugging me so tightly, that warmth embrace. that was the hand of God that came down to touch me, showing me that he can be closer in my walk, only if i allowed him too, the 'limit' i thought that was the maximum distance i could get to God was actually a limit i set for myself.

Ratings, it is a good way to show an idea of where we are standing in our spiritual lives, but hey, lets continue to press on in this exciting journey that God will put us thru! the day we are closest to God is the day he comes onto earth =)

Just remember, get closer!

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Pride and Humility

2008-10-08T20:11:00.002+08:00

Pride and Humility, thats the 2 things that I really feared all these while.
Being too proud or taking pride in my work, which is right? how can we tell?
maybe it is easy to tell that if it is right, but when we are the ones that is in this dilemma, will be be able to tell?

I fear in taking pride, I do not want to be too proud it sometimes.
I somehow felt in every human, there would be this sense of building themselves rather then building God to make them feel good, or to feel important in this place?

Every Leader, has that danger of pride, that insecure part. When things happen to others, we, with the wisdom of God will be able to point the way, the exact same thing happens to themselves, we fumble and struggle. Irony, isn't it?

As a Leader, do we need to show this soft side of ours? or do we be real? i really struggle with that, like when i was a leader in the boys' brigade, we always have to stand strong in every circumstances to show our confidences and not demoralise our men.

But in a cell, we show our soft sides to bond us together to be strong together on God.

I somehow place importance on both, but i guess to used them in the right time and places, it gives challenges.

how about humility? whats its real meaning? my mentor ever told me to becareful of false humility. how do I be humble?

Eg, John did a great job in his work, Mary praised him, but he say," it is not me, i am not that good". but the truth is, he did do a great job. wouldn't that be false humility? i think he deserves some appreciations too? to build his spirit? to maintain a healthy esteem?

would the better eg of humility be replying,"Thank you, be it wasn't just on my effort alone. Glory goes to God".

these are just my thoughts, doubt anyone reads it =)

Praise God in every season
Praise Him the the darkest hour
Praise Him in the deepest pits
With all of my heart, my strength I Give him praise.

When all else fails, breathe and look around, you'll find beauty in every season
quote by Kenneth heng =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth Heng

Contradictions

2008-10-01T22:50:00.002+08:00

I guess sometimes, things are easier said then done. the devil will always like to blow things up for you but in others perspective, it is just something Small.

Its quite funny to see me on one hand trying to help someone and yet i am facing problems too, then i realised, i just need to feel God's timing.

so many things to sort out, just how? if Adam and Eve did not eat the fruit frm that tree, we would not have to think so much.

Cant wait to go to heaven!!!

Thank you God for all that you've taught me, bring me joy to my heart and show me, slowly but surely. i've learnt to rely on your timing, teach me to be more patient =)
In Jesus name i pray
Amen

Thank God for the people around me =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

My Heartfelt Prayers

2008-09-29T18:36:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I thank you for all you've done in my life, my works, the way you grew me, the way you loved me. Lord, there is something in my heart, something that i have been so very hungry for, that I can't figure it out. This discontentment in my heart just grew, why, why is it that so much has been revealed to me, even so it is a smaller portion of what u have, Lord my heart has grown differently.

what can Life be all about? just living it the way others do? grow up? start a Family? THERE MUST BE MORE LORD! I'm feeling it, the refiners fire you are putting me through.

Lord, you've brought me to my knees, the Love you gave me. I want to do more for you, continue to grow me Lord, to stretch me more, so much more, let me rely more on you that i may soar with you.

I Know in my heart, there is a place that you've stored for me, that excitement, I can't describe it into words. somehow I just, just want more of you.

I Love my ministry so much Lord, I am so willing to sacrifice anything to see children grow closer to you, to see my sheeps love you more, even to the end of my life. Teach me more, let me learn, give me wisdom, let me find your will and not do me.

For me to Live is Christ and to Die is Gain.

Let me feel you every min, i do not want to shut the door in my heart from you time to time, teach me, to give, give everything i have for you Glory.

Most of all, help me understand people better, help me to learn to help them, I believed in the calling that you gave me, and that I will only find fulfilment in that calling. Sometimes i feel so down because i felt their hurts but cant do anything

Break My heart for what Breaks Yours

I Pray you begin to bless the people around me, those so close to my heart, that they will enjoy the richness of heaven's blessing and your Love, and to teach me to Love them and to help them, I know and believe you will walk with me every step i take to evangelise to others, to bring the Joy of the Lord to those.

I Trust in You

In Jesus's Name
Amen

Will we be ever Contented?

2008-09-23T23:16:00.005+08:00

been a very thoughtful day for me as usually, trying to listen to the voice of God in the midst of my busyness.

Watched Money not enough 2, i guess that was a good show except when my mum was tearing and telling all the things she fears when she grows old, i guess thats how all mums feels, well, i love her too much to push her aside and i believe that God will honour me and help me to remember that she is the best mum of all =)

i drew a few things from that show, is money everything we need in this life? meaning if we have all the money in this world then will we be satisfied? or money to live thru the days of our lives?
what about trust in God? the faith to believe that he is our Jehovah Jireh?

i shared with abby this today, whether we trust God fully is a mystery, the only time we will know if we really trust God or have the faith to believe he is in control is when one day, everything belongs to us is gone, or even the ones we love. will we still believe? in the God who created the heavens and the earth?

my own answer, i do not know, but my prayer is that, each step i take, would be a stronger step of faith, and that God will strengthen my journey, to be able to stand strong on the solid Rock.

Money, it is important in our lives, like for our necessities and and living standards, it all depends on the amount of income we have, it is an undeniable fact that it is a necessity in our lives. Question is, do we place as much importance on money that it reigns the place of God in our lives?

Well, it there is no end to the mistakes each and everyone of us makes, including me, I love this phrase," One Step each Time"
let God be the one to change our lives as we take one step each time growing closer to him
lets take one step at a time to change to =) i believe that its possible

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth Heng

Send me, I will Go

2008-09-21T22:39:00.003+08:00

a conversation between God and a person

Person: I need wisdom Lord
God: There you go

1.5 years later

Person: I've realised wisdom is not enough to bring me through, there are so many things that i need your help and giftings in, bless me with those giftings
God: I can bless you with them, but rather you ready for it?

6 months later

Person: I really don't know if I am fit to be a leader, I feel that i am too young to be one, people are always looking out in my faults and stuff.
God: Who's Church are you building? yours or mine?

Person: Lord, I entrust myself to you, in this phase, i cant understand why i am feeling this way, i am feeling tied and stuff, there must be more in my Faith then this, i am searching, and finding, but i pray too, that you will prepare me for this.

God: My child, Do you truly Love me?
Person: Yes Lord, you know that I Love you
God: Feed my LAMBS

God: My child, Do you truly Love me?
Person: Yes Lord, you know that I Love you
God: Take care of my SHEEP

God: My child, Do you truly Love me
Person: Lord, you know all things, You know that I Love you
God: Feed my SHEEP

Here is a song that has been impressed on my heart, i find it hard to explain but yeah, i guess just think about what our Faith is really build on, God? or man?

"Send me I will go, send me I will go, to this city, to this nation and to the nations of the world"

"Send me I will go, send me I will go, I will proclaim the truth, that Jesus Christ is Lord"

"I stand before you pleading from my heart, that by Your Spirit You would set me apart, to bring good news and liberty, to see this nation on its knees."

"I cry out for every family, You've opened blind eyes and set people free, that as a nation we will turn back to You and see revival sweep this land"

"As we humble ourselves, and seek Your face, fall on our knees, turn from our ways"

The Power of a Smile

2008-09-15T12:35:00.004+08:00

It Cost Nothing, But creates Much. It enriches those who receive it, without impoverishing those who gets it. It happens in a flash, and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. No one is so rich that he can get along without it, and no one is so poor but that he is richer for its benefits. It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad and nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet, it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that is of no earthly good to anyone unless it is given away.

Where the ups or downs, Our life stories will still play, why not be happy? and enjoy the little things that God has blessed us with?

Philipians 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

I believe we can live life to the fullest even with the things that we do not have, some may say it is easy to say but harder to apply, i will say," why not take one step at a time" the lesser things we desire of the world, the more we can desire and claim from God =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Finding that lost Rib?

2008-09-09T19:52:00.002+08:00

Thoughtful week it has been, lotsa stuff streaming through my brains. Been really digesting them and asking God about it.

Recently been watching a few shows my mum and sis has been watching, suddenly the drama serials has been protraying lots of relationships stuff and how possesive the girls are in the drama acted as.

that made me scared, like i questioned God for a moment, would my future spouse be anything like that? i would just faint on the floor never wanting to wake up. The Stuff that girls do to keep their boyfriends in the shows are absolutely scary! then extend of concerns could even go out to no trusting their future spouses.

Personally for me, i never really had an issue on wanting a girlfriend or anything, because of a few things i hold dearly to my heart.

1)I Love God too much
2)I Believe God will prepare that person for me
3)I Know i am not ready for one and not want to hurt anyone because of my selfishness
4)I Love my single life
5)I believe that the only time i am ready is when higher level of trust and be reached between 2 people

Like Adam, God took out a rib or create the perfect woman, Eve, for him.
i believe, thru my sacrifice that God will use it to bring me to her =)
personally i feel that there is more to life rather then starting a family like there is so much i still want to do for God and all, i want to serve him across the nations, bless people around the world, write many many songs for God.

But i know one thing, if it is God's plan for me to spend the rest of my life with someone, thats where i will go.

maybe this can be something for all the guys out there, think about it, what if God wants you to enjoy something out of this world first, rather then looking to a relationship, why not look to God? i feel that there will be more excitement and joy that way.

more in my brains......... processing

In God's Love and Mine,
Kenneth

God is so Good ( Are you carrying the right Yoke? )

2008-09-06T00:38:00.002+08:00

I cant help but agree that God has been very good and faithful to me, everytime i feel down, everytime i am in doubt, He just always pops by to cheer me up.

Been in thought many a times, serving God in so many areas, is it a sense of duty? or a sense of resposibility, or even, out of love?

I also wondered, why do people get burned out serving God?
issues like being tired, stressed out and just breaking down. Are these the consequences that we face when serving God?

sometimes the irony comes in when God says" take up my yoke, for it it light" if that is the case, then why do we still get burned?

God is so Good, in my life, i've been 'burned out' quite a no of times, he always finds me and picks me up, but as it goes by, lessons get harder to learn.

I learnt a huge lesson given by God, wheres my focus in my ministry? is it on the many problems i face? the fame and glory that i get? the appreciation? the satisfaction of completion?

or is it on God?

i guess it is really hard for us sometimes? as humans we always tend to lose our focus, eg, being a worship leader, the tendency to build pride and ego saying that we are the ones and bring the spirit in or even delivering a good job.

i guess i am a testimony to say that, by giving all glory to God, by doing his work because you love him, that is his yoke.

are you carrying the right Yoke?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Much to see, Emotions running through me

2008-08-30T00:48:00.003+08:00

Do you ever feel that your concern is being misplaced? i felt that all the time. God has been so amazing in my life, sometimes unseemingly amazing. I've always felt i was never ready for all these, it was too much.

The beauty about free will is that we always have a choice for everything, but the sadly thing is, we never 100% do it because of God.

I guess it is really hard, to be an example for others to follow, to love them freely, so much concern in this world.

Fear is still in me, Fear of being judged. i believe it is just God's way of telling me, i am human.
God always pulls me through, but I always throw myself in all the time.

Sometimes, i believe everyone has their good intentions for making a certain decision, well, it could be a matter of perspection to understand it better.

1 Timothy 4:12
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

Maybe I should stop caring so much, would it be better, God? why is past always being dig up?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

TWO is better than ONE (Mike Guglielmucci)

2008-08-24T18:01:00.001+08:00

My personal feel when i saw the article about Mike G was, there was something more to it then just a fraud from a guy who is just greedy for money, and began to question, if it was possible to lie to your own church and to the extend of your own family, and to write and sing the song with such emotions, it was really unthinkable.
To me, i came out with only 2 conclusions
1) He was heal of his disease
2) He was just mentally unsound

humanly, i believe it was impossible to tell a lie to your own family for 2 years.

truth came to light when he share this confession
http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24233308-5006301,00.html

he was suffering from bondage, that lead to furthur sin in God, but he always believed in God.
he believe that God could take his bondage away, thats why he wrote that song.

i just want to draw one conclusion out of this,
we are all just human, no man is strong enough alone, we need one another.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We are but ONE Team, there is no one here that is lest important, every single one of your means alot to the team, it is like a huge machine that will not function if one small screw is missing.

so lets stay as one team! to be one Voice, one Movement, and together as One Church, to bring this won victory over! to share this Joy with other!

P.S: lets just keep Mike Guglielmucci in prayer, and believe that God will work in him!
The Song healer made its purpose, it made mike guglielmucci understood the meaning of it and the truth will set him free! so lets not stop singing this song =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Mixed Feelings

2008-08-20T21:01:00.001+08:00

much Mixed feelings ever since i came on board..
i dun really have any idea why am i feeling this way, it doesn't feel so burdened in terms of weight or pressure? yet abit weird?

Jesus Christ Said This,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

for his yoke is easy and his burden is light?

Mixed feelings....
i cant really explain what i am going thru right now.

Only God knows.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Refiner's Fire

2008-08-11T23:13:00.002+08:00

Malachi 3:2-4
But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap.
He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness,
and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.

Have you ever felt like you are in the deepest pits, cold and alone?
where life seems like a vapour, blown away so easily?
or a flower that fades away?

Sometimes, just for myself, i feel so distant from the people around me, so so distant..

Cells that i have lead in the past, ministry and groups i am leading now.
i see them growing so strongly together, but that i do not feel with them.
i want to tell them how much i love them, how much i enjoy their company.

thats the things about being an ENFP, you need friends.

i miss that feeling, i really do, the times where i share my life, my thoughts, my dreams with, sometimes even doing silly stuff together. My old cell, fellowship, it seems that all these are being sacrifice because of the call to leadership? or because i am taking too much upon my shoulders?

a prophecy over me once was to be serious about God, in what i do.

Am i Not? have i not been giving my all for God? to serve him? to sacrifice everything i have, to trust in Him? have i not been serious all this while?

i really really missed the relationships i have in the past..

Are these desires needed? i am leaving this unto the Lord,

he is the potter, i am the clay

Sacrificing my life for the Glory that was given to me on that cross, i pin my life there.

No one is perfect, not me.

this is my brokenness before you Lord, i pray you teach me to pick them up to piece a part that is like you, and as i sow in tears, i know i will reap in joy. Continue to be with me and give me opporunities to go back to the relationships i once have.
Thank you Lord.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

The Kind of Love and Grace we'd never expect

2008-08-05T00:49:00.003+08:00

God's Love is always so beautiful eh?

i've felt it, the warmth, the tingly sensation running down my back.

felt as if God was giving me a great big hug.

I want to grow stronger, stronger in God, that call in my life.

but God never fails to show me how weak and broken i can be, times where i felt that i was stronger, able to handle, to show love, to care, to serve. God will always be there to give me something else,

which will break me down, my own weaknesses.

God is great, and his love never fails, wounded we come before Him, and healed we are in Him.

Do we truly have that faith to believe in God?

Do we trust in his providence?

Do we believe in those who placed their Faith in Him?

Or...

Do we think that all these are just but fantasies on sundays and reality strikes us the next day?

Do we think friends will always betray us?

Do we think that God is not there?

i was on the train to cell, was listening to a chinese christian song called deeply in love. i heard God speaking but it was quite muffled, so i decided to flipped to my bible to do alittle quiet time.

Luke 21:25-28
"There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea.
Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken.
At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.
When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."

as i began to look up, i saw the sun that shone so brightly but it was not hurting the eyes, i saw the rays of light shining through and upon the building. i stood in awe.
it was not to show that the end in near, i believe that God wanted me to see his love and mercy upon our land.

Something that i have learnt was, God will make a way. he promised us in his Word, and also said that even if heaven and earth were to fade, his Word will still remain.

i believe that Faith is the word we should have in God.
God bless,

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Stairways to heaven

2008-07-27T21:56:00.004+08:00

a question was posted to me awhile back, but it kept probing into my heart.
What to we say when we are standing at the gate of heaven and a question was asked, " what did you do to deserve a place in heaven?"

i thought hard, very hard.

what would this response be for others?
I've been serving you all my life? my ministry? i give my tithes? i do not sin?

wouldn't that be what the pagans and pharisees always say? meaning it not?

kinda contradicting but if we do our work well, doesn't it proves we did something great by letting God use us to work revivals? shouldn't we use that to prove that we had that faith in God?

God is working, trying his best to come into our lives, if we do not open it up to him now. where will we be when we look at that stairway to heaven?

i believe that God died for me for a reason, thats to enjoy paradise with him in heaven, and i do not go after wealth or glory, but for the love for God!

i felt that there are people out there, maybe u are reading my blog, maybe not.
but heres a truth, that God is knocking at your door, u may claimed u believe in him, but did u open that door? God cant force his way in, he loves us too much to do that. thats the gift of free will bestowed upon us.
Are you ready to open that door to God to feel that Glory?

3 things u need to do
Ask,Seek, Knock

Ask God to be the Lord of you lives.

Seek his word and his holy presence!

Knock and recieve what he has for you!

Blessing.

In God's Love and Mine

Where does ur passion lie? In God or Man?

2008-07-22T22:47:00.004+08:00

Many things raced my head, especially after last sunday's worship, where i felt God's leading so clearly to teach the children. Passion kept throbbing at the door of my heart, i love the kids, so very very much, i really do.

somehow, i've lost action in highlife for awhile, it has only been 3 weeks, and i felt like a stranger to the highlife family, i was reminded again, about my calling that God placed in my heart

GAL 6:1-2
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

i asked God, where does he wants me to serve, my own desire is to serve in superlife, teach the children and youths more about being Christ-like.

deep down in my heart i seek not for glory for myself, or to be recognised (although i do yearn for appreciation at times), is this passion shortlived?

i believed it is not, Passion; a word that holds such weight, to do something that i would sacrifice for, my passion is to serve God in the area for people, to bring them closer to God.

frankly speaking, many people has been talking to me about my future, what my future is going to be, am i able to support my family? for me, i have not clue. i've decided to leave my future in God's hands, what i do will not be for me, but God alone.

sometimes, it is only humane to ask for fame, honour and glory. i believes thats the selfishness of men since adam made that first sin, but i believe that humility is possible, because by the grace of God we are cleansed!

ask yourself, where does your passion lie? on God or are you serving Man?

i believe mine is the first.

God i pray, that you'll keep me moving, you'll keep me fresh, out of the oven, ready to burn more for you! it doesn't matter where i serve, as long as i live for you, i pray you show me, to be able to be more effective in you, i believe it doesn't matter how many areas i serve in, but rather, with you all things are possible, teach me too, the true calling in my life, that i may grow deeper in you

In Jesus name i pray Amen

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Is time ever enough?

2008-07-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

i always felt that we should have 40 hours a day on our hands, others would say that even if we have that much time, it would never be enough, i never once thought that was true.

Life on singapore has always been on a rush for me, a bustling city, someone whos paces are always bigger and faster.

apparently i was blinded, i never felt that time was ever enough, work seemed to get the better for me eating away all my time.

But God proved a point to me, through time spent with him.

i was walking along the beach a day ago, decided to do some quiet time there to see what God had for me, as i went to the park, God spoke,"My child, why are u walking in such paces?" suddenly i felt i was walking so fast, others where taking their time strolling while i was striding.
as i slowed down, i felt time slowed down for me too, i felt God close by.

it was a walk so slow, that it felt like a slow-motion movie as i took 1/2 a step each time, slowly breathing in and out.

when i reached the beach, as i gazed upon the sky, i felt like i was in a perfect and wonderful world, the view was incredibly! it was that wondrous moment that u felt the awesomeness of God. that view lasted only for 20 mins
i flipped to the Word, God showed me this,

Luke 14:26-27
"If anyone comes to Me, And does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple, Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be my disciple." (NASB)

it was a test of discipleship, as i began to seek the Lord, watch the beauty that he painted in the skies, maybe thats the question God has for me.

"will you carry your cross and seek me in all of my glory and treasures in heaven?"

humanly speaking, i cant. but with God, i believe all things are possible.

"Lord i love you, oh yes i really do =)"

as i began to seek the Lord yesterday, something impressed on my heart, and i wrote a song on to tell God my heart's desire to love, trust and seek him more, what about your heart's desire?
Here it goes..

You gave me love
that i could not understand
or even comprehend

you taught me to trust
in all the miracles u promise
the blessing u have given to me

you gave me love
You gave me hope
in all of my pain
i trust in you

Lord i won't be afraid
i living for this cause
Hold me Close to you
Show me how its done
to live a life for Jesus

i trust in you
---------------End----------------

this is for you sister,
i know i can never know how u feel right now, the trials and tribulations u are going thru with ur family, but i'll pray, that God will strengthen ur walk, holding you close to Him, taking your brokeness with Him.
i believes he will be staying close to you in your brokeness. and as a brother i will be there for you, keep strong yeah? there would always be a listening ear for you, my good friend =)

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth Heng

Being Burned out

2008-07-13T17:22:00.003+08:00

i think this is like one of the many post which i expressed myself as being very stretched apart, ministry basically revoles about 60 to 70% of my life, the rest? i believe that would be work, studies and family.

sometimes i feel so apart, so lost. in terms of priority, God comes first, but family is impt too, so are friends, and somehow i landed myself in serving God through so many areas.

the fact is, i am happy serving.

there is another fact, i feel aimless when i am not serving, i feel even more helpless when i see people growing strong at one moment, and in a flash of an eye, that person starts to break down.

i was never strong a person, i never had high esteem for myself, i always see others much better then me, in terms of skills, biblical knowlegde, even in personal relations.

i believe the reason i continued to serve was because i knew that there was someone that i was trying to prove worthy for, to be able to love, glorify and just hug and feel his love, that was God.

without that, i am just a shells of a nut, thrown aside.

that calling God gave in my life, i've always believed in that.

but it hurts, it hurts me to see people going to wrong way, doing the wrong thing, or even in dispair, in trials, in depression. i feel useless when i am unable to help them.

i am but only human, an ordinary person.

Passion means whatever a person is willing to give up everything for.

Lord, i am willing, to give up everything, for the sake of your glory, give me courage, give me strength, for i am weak, i need your portion, i need your love, show me to open that door of my heart to you. i am prepared, to even give up my own life, but Lord i pray, u'll stay with me, fill my loneliness, fill my desires.

i loved this verse
Psalms 119:105
For you Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

i wrote a song before in my dispair,
just to share.
-------------------------------------------------------------
When i'm down you're always there to pick me up
when i'm dry you're always there to fill my cup

when i see the things around me starts to fade away
Lord i know i'm standing on Christ the solid rock

As i fall on my knees, Lord you teach me how to pray
Humbly i bowed down, Lord you teach me how to love you more

All i want is you, just to worship and adore you
All i want is you, just to feel your warmth embrace
it is more than a song, Lord i'm longing for your presence
i just wanna sing a song of love to you

For your word is a lamp unto my feet
and a light for my path
i have taken an oath to follow after you

i just wanna sing this song of love to you
-------------------------------------------------------------

this is just my journal and thoughts that ran thru my mind.
My rants.

to those who feel weak, sometimes we just feel alone, i understand that, we are just human, feelings do happen, thats normal, but God gave us something beautiful,
Friendship.
treasure them, love them, heres another,
Family.

i believe these are the one of the greatest gift God could ever give other then shedding the blood of Christ.

Lets just thank God and start appreciating the people around us.

the bible says, God gave us life, and life to the fullest!

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Faith to carry on? to Believe?

2008-07-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Faith, thats the word people always say to keep us growing strong.
How much does that speak to our hearts anyway?
i used to think i have the strong gift of faith, but God always proved me wrong time and time again.

What is faith? i ask myself time and time again, how to i understand or even have such faith?
Faith is to have the simple belief that God is something and he will do something, not something we have to beg or kneel down or torture ourselves to see something get done?

it is to believe in the one you love.

but the truth is, do we really trust Him with everything we have?
personally, i really dunno, but i am learning, learning to love Him, to trust Him in every move i make, no one is perfect enough to have true faith in God, maybe children has, but that is up to God to decide.

recently, God threw a question in my heart, strucked me rather deeply,
what would i do if everything was taken away from me?
my family, my career, ministry, my love ones, everything i hold importance to my heart.
would i still stand firm in what i believe? would i keep that faith to trust in God?
i would not know how to answer that, maybe i will continue to trust, maybe i will not.

but i've realised one thing, God wasn't just asking to test my faith in Him, but he is also telling me to start loving the people around me more! to love them like tommorrow never comes, to live life like tommorrow never comes and to thank and appreciate Him for everything his done in our lives!

i typed this post is not to show how little our Faith is, but rather to start small, i am starting too.
for i know i am not perfect and that i need you guys in my life too! I Love you all!!
lets start a wave of revival to show others how much God has done in our lives!

Lets be living testimonies!!!!

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth Yu@n!

Embracing ur failures

2008-07-04T11:05:00.002+08:00

I am a failure.. there is no doubt about it, i feel that i've failed in different aspect of my life before, as an only son, a brother, and even in my ministry.

but i never once acknowledge i am a failure, if i did, i will just pull myself down deeper into the pits that the devil wants me to go into.

Ps Paul opened up my eyes to see failure as a different thing now, and i have learnt, as i looked back at all my failures, how much God has been that pillar in my life, i believed.

i still have the fear of failure in me, but now i am starting to view it differently and i pray that God will teach me more.

at the bottom of my heart, i hope to see superlife grow so much more, with that undeserving Grace of God, and i believe i am trying my best, and i pray that we will work together as a team to make that happen, it is not about us anymore, it is not about how well we sing, it is not about how well we do our job, it is all about God.

i do not mean that we do not do it well, but rather Do Our Very Best in that focus the cross.

the bible says, whoever wishes to follow me must first deny himself, take up the cross and follow me.

the word deny hit my heart hard, thats where God comes in and say that is humlity, taking up a instrument of death, what does that mean? i believe that it means to learn to be sacrificing before God, where God can use us fully.

are we being humble? for me i am still learning.. but are u?

God i pray that you guide me, u mold my way and teach me as i walk, pick me up when i fall and carry me when i am in distress.

thank you Jesus.

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Reflection

2008-06-22T21:14:00.002+08:00

in a few more hours time, i'll have spent (6935 days/166440 hours/9986400 mins/599184000 Seconds) in this world that God has brought me in, and i must really say i have grown so much through these years.

i really wanna thank those friends who remembered my birthday and 'celebrated' or should i say sabo-ed me too. this is the 2nd time my friends actually celebrated my birthday for this year and i really appreciate it.

after experiencing the pain of life, maybe for a while or like a skim thru of the ugly side where i backslided, i've learnt many things, much about life, much about God, but i can certainly say that it is only a mini fraction of what God knows about me.

even as i got back to God, i learnt so much, biblical knowledge, being spiritual mature frm various leaders, getting into crunch situations where stuff doesn't seem to be going ur way. meeting very challenging people too.

i am still trying, trying to run hard for this race track God laid down before me, sometimes i fall, sometimes i feel so tired i slow down, but there would always be someone carrying a bottle of 100 plus for me, that would be God, offering me the holy spirit to always keep me filled.

as i serve today, even just helping out, i realised God had so much to tell me, a little girl came to me with a letter she wrote to God and that she folded into an aeroplane, when i asked her why, she said that when she throws it up into the sky, God will catch it and read the letter she wrote.

i was so amazed, she did not even questioned if God would even bother to catch it, she just believed, it was such simple faith and i wondered why God taught us that too, but as teens and adults we never had that faith.

i am still learning, i am still trying, i am still running...
so you guys with me?

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth

Not wanting to disappoint?

2008-06-17T20:30:00.002+08:00

one of the things in this life that i really dislike, to see the disappointment people have for me, i can safely say i hate it.

Why would people be so easily disappointed in little things? i really do not know, but those made me disappointed too, contradicting it may seem but here are my thoughts.

Do you feel sometimes expectations of you are too high? by your parents? by wanting to do well?
and that have instilled a fear of disappointment? i do have that fear.

i do not know, i used to fear, fear the disappointed look on the people that has such expectations of me that i could not meet, disappointed look because sometimes was not what it seems to be.

maybe thats why we all so fearful to take up new challenges? minstry? leadership? even relationship?

i believed God is there for us, he doesn't expects from us, he only gives us strength to carry on, he only shines the light of our path in which he had already planned,

"Your Word is a Lamp unto my Feet and a light unto my path."
thats something that God has always assured me with, thats what made me carry on.

till today, i still dislike disappointment i see in others, but i know, God has a plan for them just as he has for me, and i am going to pray and love them like never before! for they are my brothers and sisters in Christ!

I pray, God u guard our hearts, teach us to look onto you, only with you we will not have disappointments, teach us, how to be every faithful and trust your ways just like a child, and show us the wonders of ur love.

lets tell ourselves, there is nothing to fear but God itself! and Live life to the fullest with the Love of God!!

In God's Love and Mine
Kenneth